Pure Intimacy: God's Design for Sex

When a Loved One Says, 'I'm Gay': Influencing for Good

There are thousands of “ex-gay” men and women who bear testimony to the power of prayer in their lives.

As Christians, we are to become role models of Christ, especially to our loved ones. We exhibit His character in many ways. In demonstrating humility. In taking the first step in reconciliation. In modeling repentance. In taking responsibility for our own behavior. These show, rather than tell, the other person what the character of Jesus Christ is like.

The other most important arena of influence is our prayers. God’s Spirit can “wrestle” with that person whether they are next door or across the world. Here are some specific ways that you can pray:

• Pray the “Hound of Heaven” will pursue your loved one relentlessly.
• Pray the Lord will send caring and loving Christians into your loved one’s life to act as Christ’s ambassadors.
• Pray the Lord will expose your loved one to the Gospel, and reveal to their heart who Jesus Christ is.
• Pray, too, that God will give them the faith necessary.
• Pray that God will convict your loved one of his or her sin. (God’s ultimate goal is not punishment, but repentance.)
• Pray that your heart will remain open to your loved one so you can be a channel of God’s grace.

There are thousands of “ex-gay” men and women who bear testimony to the power of prayer and a loving witness for Christ in their lives.

Tom Cole, now happily married with four children, remembers how the witness of a Christian co-worker changed the whole direction of his life. He was 26 at the time, and had been involved in dozens of gay relationships since the age of 19. He was despairing and lonely. Then he met a woman named Rosie, a waitress at the restaurant where Tom was a cook. Tom was flagrant about his homosexuality, and Rosie was equally outspoken about her Christian faith.

One night as she was leaving work to go home, Rosie told Tom, “My husband and I will be praying for you.” Tom was shocked. “You pray for me?”

“Yes,” Rosie said, “We pray for you every night.” As she went out the door, she added, “Tom, I love you. I just want you to know that I love you.”

Tom recalls the impact of her words: “The words ripped my heart open. I knew she was speaking the truth. I knew she loved me. All the years of hurt and pain and hardness were suddenly broken open. The wall I had erected in my heart was blasted down. I began to cry as the realization of what she’d said hit me. I ducked under the counter so she couldn’t see me crying. I knew at that moment that whatever it was she had, I wanted it too.”⁸

Several weeks later, Tom went to church with Rosie and her husband and accepted Christ. They discipled Tom as a new believer. His early days as a Christian were not without serious challenges, Tom admits: “They saw me stumble and fall and then watched God pick me back up. They saw me come to Bible study and prayer meetings at their home drunk or high. But through it all, they walked with me; they prayed for me; they showed me God’s truth in Scripture. I would not be alive today if it weren’t for the witness of this beautiful woman in Christ.”⁹

“Debating the Scriptures”

Some people who are struggling with homosexuality may wonder if there is a loophole in the scriptural arguments against it. Maybe God does not really condemn this activity. Maybe there is some way that I can combine my Christian beliefs with a gay identity. This is the position of the “pro-gay Christian” movement, which has become increasingly strong in the last 35 years. Prior to the 1970s, it was largely unknown; today, its teachings are everywhere, even making inroads into evangelical congregations. For more information on this viewpoint, we highly recommend the book, A Strong Delusion: Confronting the “Gay Christian” Movement by Joe Dallas (Harvest House).

Joe was on pastoral staff at an evangelical church in southern California. He used to scoff at the local gay church when he drove by it—until he got ensnared in homosexuality and found himself visiting the local gay congregation to see what they really believed. He became caught up in this false theology for several years and was actually training to become a minister in the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC), which is a pro-gay denomination.

But as Joe got more and more involved in this movement, he began to see that there was an emptiness in his life. He could not quite put his finger on the problem, but he felt out of sync. One day he found himself watching a Christian television program, and he heard a sermon about the biblical perspective of homosexuality.

Joe began to have doubts about the direction of his life. “What if I’m wrong?” he wondered. “What if the Bible really does condemn homosexuality?” Soon he was back in fellowship with his old church friends, and God pulled him out of MCC. He left homosexual activities and eventually became the president of Exodus, a Christian ex-gay organization. Today, Joe speaks all over the world on the false theology of the pro-gay movement and how to counter its teachings.

Keep a “Big Picture” Perspective

As you are counseling someone, remember to look beyond passages which address homosexuality. We need to examine the bigger biblical picture of what God intended for men and women. John was deeply involved in homosexuality. But after a few years, John found himself dissatisfied. He also had a major drinking problem from hanging out in gay bars every night. Then, he was befriended by a local pastor who was a regular customer at the copy shop where John worked. He didn’t know why, but this pastor treated him with love and respect, even though John was obviously gay.

One day this pastor asked if he could visit John. “Can I come over to your house? There is something I want to share with you.” John suspected that he was about to become this man’s latest evangelistic project, but he agreed anyway. He was growing increasingly unhappy with his life, and decided maybe this pastor had something he should look into.

So, the pastor came to visit, and their conversation led right into a discussion of the Scriptures. But, instead of talking about Romans 1 or 1Corinthians 6, this pastor began talking about the first two chapters of Genesis and God’s original plan for men and women. Then the pastor read Genesis 1:26, “And God made man in His own image. In the image of God, He created him male and female.” Then they read Genesis 2:18, “Then the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. And he created woman.”

It was one of those divinely empowered moments when the scales fell off John’s eyes. He realized that homosexuality was not God’s intent for him. Within weeks, John became a Christian, and this pastor and his wife supported him in leaving homosexuality behind. Today, John is happily married with three children. His life shows that the Scriptures can be very powerful. So don’t stop at sharing that homosexuality is wrong; show a person what God’s original intentions were.