Pure Intimacy: God's Design for Sex
When a Loved One Says, 'I'm Gay': Love Without Compromise
Most Christians want to be a redemptive influence, but wonder how to show love without condoning the behavior.
Today, an estimated one out of four households is somehow touched by homosexuality. Most Christians want to be a redemptive influence, but many wonder how to show Christ’s love without appearing to condone the behavior.
One woman contacted an “ex-gay” Christian ministry for guidance. “I am going to a family dinner, and a gay cousin is going to be there,” she explained. “The family already thinks I’m a ‘religious nut.’ But I really feel that if I attend, I’ll be compromising my Christian convictions.”
After a few minutes of conversation, this woman admitted that most of her other relatives attending the dinner were unbelievers—not just the gay cousin. On previous occasions, she had never thought to cancel because of their sinful behavior patterns, and realized that her hesitation came from her personal feelings about homosexuality—not any biblical insights. She had to grapple with the realization that the Bible urges us to be a light where there is darkness, rather than hiding our witness from those who need it (See Matthew 5:16).
Sometimes, in thinking through a difficult family decision, it helps to take the word “homosexuality” out of the picture for a moment. For example, Janice was very upset because her daughter wanted to bring home her lesbian partner for the weekend. “What would you do if it was your son and a live-in girlfriend?” another mother asked her. Janice thought for a moment. “I’d welcome them both, but not allow them to share the same room,” she answered finally, then smiled as she saw the answer to her dilemma. We do not need to treat the person involved in homosexuality any differently from other family members caught up in other immoral behaviors.
In our discomfort, it is hard to remember that our child’s gay friends and lovers are not the enemy. They are hurting people who need God’s love. A surprising number of them have been exposed to Christian teaching, then abandoned their religious beliefs in adulthood. Some parents have seen their child’s lover recommit his or her life to Christ, then become an influence for their child to also abandon homosexuality.
Witnessing to a gay friend
In this era of gay rights, many of us know someone who is gay, whether a co-worker, neighbor or friend. We are often asked, “How do I witness to this person?” The answer is simple: The same way you share God’s truth with anyone else. Here are some pointers.
See a person, not a homosexual. Your friend is a man or woman with complex fears, hopes and needs. Look beyond the “gay” or “lesbian” label to the whole person inside. Rather than seeing your friend as a homosexual, think of him or her as a person with a homosexual problem.
Be willing to listen. Often, an individual involved in homosexuality has been deeply wounded by well-meaning but ignorant Christians. Many former homosexuals recall being in a gay pride parade and hearing shouted insults from church people standing on the sidelines. “Who would want to follow a God like the one they’re displaying?” they wondered. It was not until sincere, kind and understanding Christians befriended them and took the time to get beyond their “pro-gay” facade. In time, they each were led to Christ.
Point your friend to Jesus, not to heterosexuality. Women or men caught in homosexuality cannot change on their own; they need the power of Christ working in their lives before the change will occur. Often, they have little motivation to change until God opens their eyes to His truths. As He begins the healing work in them, He will highlight areas in their life which must be surrendered to Him.
Do not expect to know all the answers. You do not have to become an expert on all aspects of homosexuality before you can be a godly influence on your gay loved one. When discussing the issue, it is okay to say you do not know, but you will find out and get back to them later. (Then do it!) God’s love working through you will change his or her mind, not winning an argument.
Give hope for something better. Be the bearer of good tidings, not just the announcement that a certain lifestyle is sinful. Although the Bible is clear that homosexual practice is against God’s pattern for humankind, 1 Cor. 6:11 gives clear evidence that gays can change. For more information about a global ministry that helps men and women overcome homosexuality, contact Exodus International, North America (P.O. Box 540119, Orlando, FL 32854; 888-264-0877; www.exodus.to) For example, they have dozens of testimonies of men and women who have overcome homosexuality. You can then use those stories as discussion-starters in future conversations with your loved one.