Pure Intimacy: God's Design for Sex

What if an addict wants help, does all the steps and still isn’t healed?

from a letter to Pure Intimacy

by Joann Condie, RN, MS, LPC

You have voiced a predicament echoed by many. Your husband’s acknowledgement of problems, wanting help and going through the 12-steps are a typical starting point, but unfortunately not sufficient. Consequently, relapse occurs which reinforces the opinion that more meetings are the solution.

Obviously some Christian 12-step groups can offer useful accountability if the over-all assembly is healthy.  Lay-people helping each other is honorable and biblical, however (contrary to common belief), 12-step support is not the same as treatment. 

A serious physical health problem needs more than advice from a well-meaning friend.  In the same way, repeated pornography use, or other adultery, is a sign of serious trouble underneath the sinful behavior, which needs skilled assistance. A Professional Christian Counselor (who is well trained and experienced) will assess the intra-connected components (emotional, relational, physical and spiritual) as well as the malfunctioning coping mechanism and dysfunctional life skills.  The core issues driving adulterous behavior & the resulting injuries sustained by the addict’s spouse must also be addressed and resolved for lasting transformation and healing. If this difficult work is avoided by either partner, serious complications generally arise later. 

About the author

Joann Condie is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor and Registered Nurse who counsels individuals, couples, and families on a number of issues, including sexual addiction and sexual dysfunction. In addition to training professional counselors, physicians, and church leaders, Joann works at Focus on the Family and maintains a private practice in Colorado Springs, CO. www.renewingintimacy.com