Not too many years ago, people had to come up with some pretty disgusting things to get off when their partner wasn’t around. Not only that, but masturbation in general was considered a taboo habit reserved for filthy perverts and sperm bank donors. And not to be a Debbie downer, but the world’s very first sex toys were sad representatives of our collective ingenuity. Ancestors beat their meat into stale loaves of bread and animal skins for you to have the options you have today. Be thankful, kids.
Meanwhile, try to realize that your great-great grandmother had to get her rocks off with things like fresh vegetables and dildos carved out of stone (I’m not even kidding). After that, her only options were “marital aids” accessed only by prescription from the family doctor. Men’s toys weren’t getting any better there for a while, and then suddenly something amazing happened. The market made an abrupt shift towards versatility and user-friendliness some time around the mid-1980s and thanks to the innovations birthed during that decade we now have things like vibrating dildos, penis pumps and anal beads that are designed for unisex stimulation.
And speaking of such products, I recently got ahold of the Fun Factory Bendy Beads for a series of experiments on different models. My research on this toy’s features and functionality included many hours of extensive examinations and “exercises,” both by myself and with a partner. Having watched the market trends and tested out countless toys like this, I wasn’t sure what to expect but I knew it was going to be interesting because you can never go wrong with a mainstream bi-sexual marital aid. Right, grandma?
What Are the Fun Factory Bendy Beads?
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This silky-smooth and bulbous sex toy is a unique take on the traditional anal beads in more ways than one. It’s designed to instigate intense anal pleasure for both men and women, plus it’s sized and shaped just right to be appropriate for beginners and pros alike. The Fun Factory Bendy Beads are also a sleek, sexy and serpentine example of what high-quality craftsmanship is all about. Unlike the anal beads of yesteryear, the BBs are firm, flexible and famously suited for all sorts of kinky experiences. In fact, many people use these beads for vaginal stimulation as well.
The Main Features
The Bendy Beads by the Fun Factory brand feature user-friendly components that work in tandem to create a variety of sensations in the anal canal (or the vaginal canal, depending on how you use it). The overall design includes a series of elliptical beads, some of which have pleasure enhancing ridges. Those beads also get gradually larger as they get closer to the handle – a stylized safety loop for improved insertion and removal. Bead number one measures .6 inches in diameter, while the last bead measures a whopping 1.5 inches for an Earth-shattering climax.
Additionally, these beads are appropriate for all users because they’re made out of skin-safe medical-grade silicone and sculpted to preserve lube and natural body fluids too. With a rounded, bulbous tip and just over 7 inches of insertable length, the busty, trusty and flexible BBs offer ideal ergonomics for a wide variety of participants. They’re fully waterproof (which means a ton of aquatic fun) plus they measure a body-friendly 1.5 inches at their widest point. Best of all, they come with a couple freebies in the box and they’re made by a company that’s got a pretty decent reputation in the sex toy industry.
What Comes in the Box?
The marketing game is strong with today’s top sex toy manufacturers and that usually means one of two things: 1) consumers get lied to or 2) consumers get a bunch of free shit when they buy a product. As for this one, you just so happen to receive a bonus product when you open the box. Here’s what you’ll likely find inside as long as you get your toy from a reputable source:
- The Fun Factory Bendy Beads
- A set of care and maintenance instructions
- A small sample of water-based lube
Unfortunately, the box isn’t high enough quality to double as storage, so you’ll have to spring for your own or get creative when you’re done. Also, the manufacturer doesn’t throw in any toy cleaning supplies and you won’t find a warranty registration card anywhere near the box (or online). On the bright side, these relatively inexpensive beads perform very well under pressure, and I would know that from experience.
First of all, these proprietary beads are probably the most ideal model for anal foreplay beginners. I know that because my partner hadn’t ever tried butt stuff until the day my package containing the Bendy Beads was delivered to our door. He’s not a huge fan of experimentation in that area, so convincing him to attempt this kind of kink was already an accomplishment. He chose this particular toy because of the undulating size of the beads and the huge, conveniently-placed handle that he said made him feel a bit more comfortable about having the thing shoved up his keister. I personally prefer bigger beads, but in a long-term relationship you’ve got to make compromises.
Anyway, the box arrived right on time and wasn’t marked up with anything embarrassing. Inside that box was the container with the toy in it – a clear, plastic rectangle containing just the toy, a small packet of lube, and a tiny leaflet about how to clean up afterwards. I wasn’t expecting anything fancy, especially not for the price I paid, but the overall appearance of the toy itself was pretty swanky and you can’t complain about getting free lube no matter how much you already have. I casted my vote for this option mostly because it features zero bells and whistles. I figure: the first round of anything should always be as painless as possible. No vibes means no charging, and no charging means instant pleasure whenever we want it. This aught to get him hooked!
Obviously, I had to be the guinea pig and go first. I planned to really give a show to encourage him to take a turn. Ya know, pull out a Broadway musical note on him when I can tell he’s starting to get into it. Well, I didn’t get a chance to practice my acting skills that night because everything that came out of my mouth was completely natural, including the time I said, “Break that fuckstick off in my ass” or something to that effect. Needless to say, my panting partner wants in one some of the action but is too excited to remember the importance of cleanliness. So, despite being afraid that it would completely kill the mood, I reminded him of proper butt play etiquette.
Fortunately for us, my crescendo was convincing enough to suffice our libidos through 3 full minutes of sex toy bath time. Without even waiting for it to dry, hubby snatches up our bottle of lube, slaps a bunch of it on the tip of the toy, hands it over to me and says, “You look like you know what to do.” Indeed I do, grasshopper. Those undulating beads and safety handle were the least of his concern as the flexible string delivered direct stimulation to his pretty little p-spot. When all was said and done, he ended up apologizing for ever doubting my sexual wisdom. Talk about a slam dunk victory for me and the Fun Factory.
The Ups and Downs
I know, as you should also, that nothing on today’s market is absolutely perfect. And even if a manufacturer somehow created the most versatile product in the universe, there would still be “that one guy” finding something to complain about. Assholes be begging for an amazing sex toy and then start finding something wrong with everything they see. It’s me; I’m assholes. But this asshole is also well aware of the ups and downs of new toy acquisition, plus I can at least tell you this much about the Fun Factory Bendy Beads:
- Ideal for male and/or female bodies
- Perfect for anal and/or vaginal stimulation
- Generous safety loop size for all hands
- Useful freebie included
- Made from hypoallergenic materials
- Does not feature vibrations
- No storage container provided
I’m never a fan of anything that can be duplicated. I feel like standardization is a sign of weakness and laziness, so you can imagine how I felt when I first laid eyes on the Fun Factory Bendy Beads. Not only are they attractive to the eye but they’re also enticing to the body. I think most people will appreciate the overall shape and size, but it’s the toy’s design that impressed me the most. Its smooth, soft materials and loopy, cursive detailing made it fun to look at and even more fun to use. And considering it’s good for anal sex, vaginal stimulation, male use or female exploration, the BBs as a whole are well worth your investment as long as you have plenty of lube to go around and a safe place to hide it when you’re finished.