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Buying a disposable masturbator can be nerve-racking. It’s bad enough that good sex toys are already hard to find. Do we really have to complicate things by inventing a whole new category of personal pleasure products? Here I go complaining like it’s tough to have all these options, when meanwhile I’ve been on hunt for a high-quality throw-away toy for my upcoming trip overseas since I first booked the flight. Having tried out several different varieties, my heart, mind and eyes kept going right back to the same basic garbage. It felt hopeless for quite a while, so I did what any horny, self-respecting guy would do: I blogged about it until someone gave me a suggestion.
One of the first products to get mentioned was the TENGA Egg. I had heard about it once or twice before in casual conversation, but for some reason I hadn’t even thought about it until that point. I immediately hopped on the internet, ordered myself a variety pack and patiently waited for it to arrive at my door. “I hope I didn’t just waste a bunch of money,” I thought to myself while the time passed. Eventually, I had to face the music. So, did my purchase end up being a wise one or was I fooled yet again by an online troll? Well, let’s start out by making sure everyone knows what I’m talking about.
What Is the TENGA Egg?
The TENGA brand is pretty well known as far as I’m concerned. Apparently, their name is recognized around the world, and most of that popularity it due to their tiny little egg-shaped masturbators for men. Hailed by some guys as the best disposable sex toy in the universe, these super compact sex sleeves are designed for the average man’s favorite time of day: Pump and Dump. They’ve sold by the millions and continue to increase their fan base to this day. And while they’re not the most durable thing on the market, these unique sex toys make users stop and say, “Why haven’t I thought of this before?” Obviously, the Japanese manufacturer who makes these disposable, handheld playthings has their finger on the vein of modern-day dicks. But what makes the TENGA Egg so amazing? Apparently, it’s this kind of stuff:
The Main Features
Each egg is unique in the way that it’s texturized on the inside, but the overall shape, size and functionality of the items in the series is the same. All eggs measure about 2 inches in depth and width with a little over 7 inches in insertable length (thanks to the incredibly stretchiness of the material). Furthermore, this ultra-lightweight male masturbator is completely disposable (which means it can’t always be used for a second round). However, the petite and travel-ready design makes it ideal for horny adventurers who need something quick and effortless to maintain. Best of all, the items you need come packed discreetly inside something that looks like an Easter egg so even the church won’t think you’re weird anymore (maybe).
The materials with which these toys are made can be considered some of the best quality in the industry. Skin-safe and super pliable, the thermoplastic elastomer (TPE) sleeves feature their own specialized texture. Plus, buyers can upgrade their egg to something more extreme by playing with the “Hard Boiled” selection. Regardless of what you choose, the products all come with a small packet of the brand ambassador’s favorite water-based masturbation lube. On top of that, the TENGA Egg is known to be extremely easy to clean up after (but I think that’s mostly because of the award-winning, condom-like design of the toy itself and not because of the user’s willingness, or lack thereof).
What Comes in the Box?
Fortunately for people who know how to properly experiment, the TENGA brand offers an extremely wide variety of masturbator options. However, people who are a bit more on the indecisive side may find their massive selection difficult to sort through. Either way, you don’t get too much in the box (because there is no box). In fact, everything you get for the money comes packages inside a whimsical plastic egg that can be thrown away alongside the masturbator itself. Here’s what you’ll find when you crack it open:
- One TENGA Egg disposable male masturbator with your selected texture
- A small pouch of water-based lube
You don’t get any sex toy cleaner or instructions with your purchase of this thing because 1) you’re already using a sex toy that can be thrown away instead of cleaned, and 2) the use of this bad boy is pretty self-explanatory. On the bright side, each egg is relatively cheap which means you don’t waste too much dough if you end up not liking the texture you pick. P.S.: There are at least a dozen or more to choose from, so don’t get your panties in a wad if the first one isn’t a winner (that’s why I got the variety pack).
I can’t say that I’ve ever really paid too much attention to the whole disposable sex toy thing. It wasn’t until recently that I made my mind up about trying to find one. My boss was sending me on a long business trip overseas and I wasn’t going to see my little lady friend for several weeks. And since we’re a monogamous couple, I had to come up with some creative ways of satisfying my desires because cheating wasn’t an option. After catching wind of the TENGA Egg series, I knew there was only one thing to do.
My package arrived early one morning when I was getting ready to head downtown for a meeting. Wishing I could stop in my tracks and go back inside for some quick masturbation, I decided against it and headed out the door for work instead. I did, however, throw one of the eggs inside my briefcase just in case I got a few free moments later in the day. Around lunch time, I slipped off to the men’s restroom down the hall from my office for what I thought would be a silent, in-and-out gig. Thank God they installed locks on the bathroom doors before we opened up for business last summer.
Anyway, I pop the egg out of its shell, slather on some of the lube that came with it and started jerking off as quickly and efficiently as possible thinking I didn’t have much time. I swear on everything holy, I’m usually not the kind of guy who busts a nut within a few minutes of working it. However, with the aid of the texturized sleeve and the smooth, thickness of the included lube, I ended up dumping my load about five minutes into the show and still had time to eat a sandwich afterwards. Meanwhile, I guess I had forgotten to lock the door behind me and had been masturbating, moaning and groaning with someone else in the room with me. Needless to say, I’m now referred to as “The Chicken Choker” at the watercooler. My only saving grace has been the fact that the toy was disposable so nobody has any evidence to support their theory that I’m a perv. Either way, I was pretty much convinced that these bad boys were going with me on my upcoming trip after that point.
The Ups and Downs
You can search all over the world but you will never find a personal pleasure product with zero flaws. It’s just not possible. Our dicks are simply too complex of an organ, and mankind is simply too picky about their sex toys. Grown men know that there’s a bit of give and take when selecting a new item, especially when that item is designed to generate orgasms during masturbation. The TENGA Egg, for example, is one of those products that has several ups and downs associated with it. Here are the things I think everyone should know before they spend any money on one:
- Completely disposable
- Easy to clean up after
- Incredibly intense texture options
- Discreet design and packaging
- Made from skin-safe materials
- Extremely affordable (especially for experimentation)
- Has a tendency to break during fervent masturbation
- Cannot be used for enhancing intercourse
- May require test runs with several textures before the right one is found
While the TENGA Egg may not be the world’s first 100% flawless disposable male masturbator, it most certainly got my attention. It turns out that the commenters on my blog aren’t blowing smoke up my ass after all. I do see their point when they said it’s not a sex toy for everybody. It obviously can’t fit every penis size and you run the risk of breaking through the end if you jerk off to hard. However, the overall design, flexibility, texturization, and smoothness are what make this personal pleasure product worth talking about. It’s most definitely an innovative “device,” plus millions of men have used one already. If I were you, I’d at least try it before I knocked it.