I’ve had about 8763 different sex toys inside my body over the course of my life. I’m not too proud of those numbers either. I feel like they should be so much higher than that. In fact, I’m always eager to try out new things (especially “things” that involve me blasting off like a rocket ship), which is why I’m surprised my averages are better. Sometimes, it feels like I’ve tried everything under the sun and that there are no new territories to explore. It saddens me to think of the future, but then I remember that there are new sex toys being invented every day and I start to feel a little bit better.
Take, for instance, the Hoodlum Tapered Double-Ended Dildo. I mean, I can’t believe I’ve never tried this thing before. It looks like pretty much the same type of toy that’s made by some of the better-known brands, but it’s a lot less expensive and there’s no bones about whether it’s couples-friendly or not because of its unique craftsmanship. When I first laid eyes on it, I knew I had to give it a try. My partner wasn’t so keen on the idea, but she eventually came around. Needless to say, I have a lot to report about our experience. So, was it everything we hoped it would be and more or did we wind up wishing for more? Well, let’s start by defining what we’re talking about first.
What Is the Hoodlum?
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The Hoodlum is a relatively popular double-ended dildo with tons of versatility and a user-friendly design that makes it appropriate for almost all body types (especially beginners. Made for couple’s play and kinky gay sex games, this massive DD is crafted out of skin-safe materials and offers a wide variety of features to please even the pickiest of dicks. In fact, the toy itself is the perfect tool for self-gratification or partner pleasuring whether via anal or vaginal stimulation. And because of the fact that it was invented by such an in-touch manufacturer with a keen finger on the pulse of synthetic sex toys, it’s designed to look and feel like a real human penis no matter how you choose to enjoy it.
The Main Features
This thing has more features than you can shake a stick at and it’s not even a high-tech device. First of all, it’s obviously double-sided, which means it has two distinct ends for maximum versatility. Both tips are conveniently tapered too, giving you and/or your partner a much safer and more satisfying insertion. It’s seriously like having two sex toys in one – a wide addition to any responsible pleasure product collection simply because of its many user-friendly features, including the extra flexibility of the shaft which allows it to bend almost all the way in half (an ideal tool for deep double penetration). Best of all, the entire thing features realistic vein detailing to further enhance your sensations.
The Hoodlum tapered double-ended dildo is somewhat slim (at least on one side), with a measurement of about 3.5 inches in total circumference. The larger end measures 4.5 inches, but no matter how you use it, there are a whopping 14.5 inches of total insertable length to explore. The head is bulbous, just like the real thing, and it’s all made out of hypoallergenic polyvinyl chloride (PVC), meaning it can be used with almost any kind of personal lubricant you prefer. And while it doesn’t have any balls and can’t be used with a harness, this thing is ideal for wild waterworks of any variety because it’s 100% submersible.
What Comes in the Box?
The “box” to the Hoodlum is nothing more than a pieces of injection molded plastic with a toy-shaped bubble in the middle to fit the product inside. It doesn’t come with a lot of extras from the manufacturer because, apparently, the maker doesn’t think we need anything like lube samples, toy cleaning supplies, or storage containers. You’re literally on your own when it comes to this device, which may not be a good thing considering it’s relatively massive size. For the money, you only get the toy itself – nothing more, nothing less. It’s a far cry from the good old days when sex toy makers would throw a bunch of free stuff in the box, but then again, this thing is one of the most affordable DDs on the market, so what are we complaining about?
I just so happened to buy my Hoodlum from an online merchant because they were having a big sale and I’m a cheapskate when it comes to spending money on luxury items like sex toys. Anyway, the package arrived one morning at my doorstep so I quickly took it inside before having to answer questions from the nosey neighbors who are always (and I mean ALWAYS) out on their front porch smoking cigarettes. Walking up to the kitchen table, I unboxed it and then proceeded to pry the toy from it’s plastic wrapper. I hate it when manufacturers use that kind of packaging, but I digress.
Once out of the container, I felt all over the toy’s exterior to find any existing seams or blemishes in the material and/or texture. None were discovered, so I continued through the examination steps until I was ready to go. Flexibility on point? Check. Vein texturization realistic? Check. End sizes conducive with me and my partner’s experience level? Double check. I called my lovely lady into the bedroom with me and started showing off my new plaything, to which she responded, “Well, what are we waiting for then?” You already know what happened next.
I opted to take the bigger end since she was a newbie at all this DP stuff. She lathered up the smaller side with her favorite water-based lube and then slid it up inside her pussy like she was hiding cocaine at customs. I had to slow her down a bit, take the toy back out, and teach her how to slowly work up a good pace before trying anything simultaneous with a double-ended sex toy. Aren’t virgins so adorable? I worked her up with my finger and with the smaller end of the toy until she started making her telltale “I’m about to get off” noise. At that point, I penetrated slowly and let the flexible, veined shaft do it’s thing against her walls.
My favorite part of the entire night was that moment right there, followed by the moment that I used my own bod weight to shove the toy further inside her pussy as I sat down on my own end. I clinched, pulled a little out for myself, and we started scissor-fucking like it wasn’t a Wednesday afternoon. We also forgot to shut the bedroom window, so those nosey neighbors of mine were finally given a reason to be outside spying on the neighborhood. It hasn’t been the same on the porch ever since, but it hasn’t been the same between me and partner either (and I’m loving every minute of it). We’ll probably move up to something larger in a while, but for now it’s my honey’s favorite toy for double penetration and dual-action stimulation so we’ll keep it around.
The Ups and Downs
I have yet to find a sex toy, especially one that’s made primarily for couple’s or a specific type of sexual activity, that’s 100% perfect and without a single flaw. It’s virtually impossible for anything like that to exist, even with all our technology and manufacturing methods. With that said, a responsible shopper understands the value of considering all the pros and cons of ownership. So, when the Hoodlum was put up on the stands, it performed exactly as I expected it to – with a few minor kinks that will probably get worked out eventually by the maker. For now though, here are all the things I think you should know about it before you spend any money:
- Ideal shape, size and weight for beginners
- Realistic vein-like texturization
- Extra flexible for enhanced versatility
- Tapered ends for easier insertion
- Perfect for dual penetration
- Fully submersible in water
- Made from skin-safe materials
- Different sized ends may be difficult to agree upon for some couples
- May be too flexible for some activities
- Doesn’t come with a storage container
Our little Hoodlum here is quite the catch, especially if you’re someone who’s sort of new to the whole DP thing or if you’re not quite sure how you feel about using double-ended dildos yet. It’s massive by all accounts, but that’s because it functions as two sex toys at once. And it might be super flexible, but that’s what makes it so useful in all those kinky situations you’ve got rolling around in your sick and twisted imagination. Nobody is going to judge you for having a fetish, so why not act it out using a high-quality dong instead of whatever you can find at your local adult entertainment shack? The good news is that this product is usually sold in those kinds of stores too (not just online), meaning you could go pick one up and be orgasming your way into oblivion by the end of this review. . .