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There’s a time and place for everything, a reason for every season and a silver lining around every grey cloud. But maybe, just maybe, the silver on that lining is actually gold. And perhaps it’s not a lining at all; perhaps it’s just a lofty dildo floating down from the heavens above to grace us with our presence. Now if that doesn’t sound like the best wet dream in the whole wide world, please tell me what does. We no longer have to imagine a planet without precious metal dongs, ladies and gentlemen. The future is now, and it’s polished to a sparkling shine.
In my search for the perfect piece to spice up my mantle (“Mantle” being the name I use for my genitalia), I began searching for something along those lines because I knew they existed and I knew I could afford it with enough planning. Much to my surprise, I found more than I could count and was left wondering which option to go with. I eventually settled on the Lelo INEZ because it was on the upper echelon of the harvest. So, was it worth the investment or did I get duped right out the gate? Well, let’s make sure you know what I’m talking about first.
What Is the Lelo INEZ Gold?
Known as the world’s most expensive vibrator, the well-known Lelo brand’s highly luxurious INEZ is not appropriate for cheapskates who don’t value the price of pleasure enough to spend that kind of dough on something made specifically for delivering mind-blowing, world-changing orgasms in a sleek and sophisticated way. It’s crafted for individuals (as well as couples) who enjoy experiencing a wide variety of sensations during sex and/or masturbation while riding high on a toy that’s considered the epitome of style. Designed to be the perfect gift whether given or received, this magical plaything has the user-friendly, travel-ready features anyone would want on a high-end pleasure product. By the way, this dildo also functions as a vibrator if the battery is fully charged and you’re into that kind of thing.
The Main Features
The folks down at the Lelo factory have been hard at work developing industry-leading sex devices since their inception, and the INEZ Gold will not be going down in history as their first mistake. It features an exceptional 24-karat gold coated exterior and is equipped with a powerful motor that runs a series of stimulating vibrations. Defined by its blatant decadence and elegance, this handheld hero features eight (8) different pleasure settings inside it’s award-winning body that’s both skin-safe and absolutely gorgeous. As the perfect gift or couple’s play accessory, INEZ can go almost anywhere you do because of the travel-friendly, waterproof construction. It’s fully rechargeable via standard USB and even comes with an obligatory warranty from the manufacturer just in case you’re still in sticker shock over the price.
What Comes in the Box?
There are too many good things in this world, but not all those good things come with extra things that don’t belong in the box. Especially when it comes to luxury-grade sex toy manufacturers, the presence of things like lube samples, device cleaning supplies and spare parts is rare. Most of the time, their dollars are spent on making and marketing a marvelous gift to society. They don’t all have time to supply us with the things we should already own. Apparently, Lelo agrees with me because they don’t offer many complimentary surprises even with their finest flagship product, the lovely INEZ 24-Karat Gold Vibrating Dildo. Here’s what you get for the money:
- The toy itself
- A drawstring travel pouch
- A wooden, satin-lined presentation box
- A USB recharging cord and adapter
- A set of instructions
- A warranty registration card
Warranties are always nice when you spend a much of cash on something you really don’t need. Plus, that swanky presentation box doubles as storage if you take care of it, further lengthening your toy’s lifespan and making you look like a total pimp in the process. Meanwhile, the fact that this thing is compatible with any lube you’ve got laying around makes it extremely user-friendly (although I’d go with a water-based lubricant if I were you).
I’ve had massive amounts of experience with modern-day sex toys, including ones that are made out of precious metals like gold, silver, titanium and even stainless-steel. Today, they make more than just dildos out of the stuff, but it isn’t fair to compare something like a butt plug to a toy like a dildo. Sure, they’re both made to penetrate the body but that doesn’t mean they can be tested based on the same criteria. With that said, I like to let the contrasting characteristics expose themselves organically through a candid, no-holds-barred exploration of the device with its intended purposes in mind. Here’s how the Lelo INZE Gold stacked up to the competition (with is still relatively small at this point):
- The Dimensions
In my opinion, the device itself may be a little bit too small for some users. It’s not a problem with the girth so much as it is with the length. Insertable dimensions are on-point but there’s not much room left for the handle. I found the sleek surface to be somewhat difficult to hold onto as well, especially when there was lube or body fluids of any kind involved. Overall, it’s got the form of a great insertable dildo but would probably function best for most people as an external massager.
- The Materials
If you’re looking for top-notch materials you can’t get any fancier than gold. Just watch out that nobody has an allergy to the metal because it’s definitely real and the toy is definitely not condom compatible because most prophylactics leave a film behind that could compromise the integrity of the device. I learned that the hard way, so thank God for the manufacturer’s warranty. The best part about the material was that it conducts temperature easily and is completely submersible in water. I took mine in the shower and let the hot water cauterize the wounds I had deep, deep inside my “soul.”
- The Sensations
Some like it hot, but I prefer my orgasms served up colder than post-breakup revenge. There are few things better than an icy rub-down and this bad boy certainly delivers. As a vibrator, it could have used a bit more power or maybe a few more settings, but even the sensations coming from the lackluster motor were enough to make me howl at the moon. With constant direct pressure, I could see how this thing could triple as a clitoral stimulator or perineum massager.
- The Functionality
Overall, it functions as intended by the manufacturer, although I think it shines in a few hidden areas that aren’t so obvious until you get your hands on it. The battery charges pretty quickly too, which was nice considering how short of a lifespan it had. I was not impressed there and neither was the first (or second) partner I used the toy with. The built-in buttons are a nice touch though, although it would have been nice to receive a wireless remote control since it’s supposed to be the world’s most luxurious sex toy for couples. Is that too much to ask?
The Ups and Downs
Perfect products don’t exist, especially not when you’re talking about products made specifically for pleasure. People’s tastes and bodies are simply too unique for any manufacturer to make a single device that’s ideal for everyone. What feels good to me might feel like a nightmare to you or your partner. The best way to determine whether or not a sex toy is right for you is to do what I do: Carefully examine the pros and cons until you have a good idea about the quality and relevance of the device in question. With that said, here are the things I think you need to know about the Lelo INEZ Gold before spending any money on it:
- Customizable vibe settings for optimal versatility
- Ergonomic built-in control interface
- Curved and tapered design for easier insertion and removal
- Fully submersible in water
- Compatible with all lube types
- USB rechargeable battery
- Sturdy construction, built to last
- May be purchased in installments through the manufacturer
- Materials may contain potential allergens for people with sensitivities to gold
- Not harness compatible
Whether for erotica or envy, high-class sex toys certainly have their place in modern society. The Lelo brand is a pioneer on the forefront where technology meets innovation and ergonomics. Their INEZ Gold Vibrating Dildo is truly a testament to that, with numerous user-friendly features and the kind of construction that screams quality craftsmanship. Presented as the gift that keeps on giving, this sleek and sexy device has made enormous waves in the industry since it was first introduced to the market, spawning several other companies to begin making precious metal dongs of their own. Meanwhile, INEZ remains on top of buyers’ lists because of its bougie, sophisticated presence and the manufacturer’s willingness to take payments. Overall, it’s an ideal dildo for anyone looking to impress their partner with a romantic surprise or for someone who simply loves thinking outside the satin-lined presentation box.