Table of Contents
- The Top Prostate Massager: Perfection Is Hard To Find
Sometimes (and I mean sometimes), it takes a swift kick in the rear to get a man to ejaculate properly. And I mean that literally. Although a prostate massager feels a lot better than a kick, the idea is still the same. According to most men who have used one, the orgasm that’s created by a good prostate massager is like nothing else they’ve ever experienced. Intense and completely naturally feeling, busting a nut with a toy up your butt is worship-worthy.
In fact, the pleasure derived from a well-made prostate massager can be so intense that, in many cases, a man rediscovers his love for lust and begins feeling more like the man he once was. I had no idea that ass play could cause such a life-changing phenomenon. That is, until I experienced it first-hand with a lover who had a much better grasp on sexuality than I did. Prostate massagers can open up a whole new world of physical possibilities that are extremely sensational for both men and women. Whether that be with a remote-controlled couple’s toy or simultaneous masturbation, we now have real pleasure at our fingertips you guys.
The Top Prostate Massager: Perfection Is Hard To Find
So, I wandered through the world not knowing that my wildest dreams could come true if I would just take the time to vet out the best magic wand. To be honest, it was much more difficult than I expected it to be. But nevertheless, I hunted in the wilderness for quite a while, happening upon some of the most amazing products on the modern-day market along the way. What I’ve come back to share with you is priceless. I’m not saying it could change your life; I’m just saying it could change your sex life.
Prostate massagers have been around for quite a long time. Recognized at first as a tool for only the homosexual community, straight men everywhere began jumping on the bandwagon when they finally discovered the true potential that rested inside their anus. What happened next will go down in the history books as downright amazing (and absolutely necessary for the progress of mankind): Guys everywhere started looking for a good prostate massager, and the sex toy manufacturers of the world heard the call.
So now, what we have is a market that’s flooded with options – prostate massagers made in all shapes and sizes, crafted out of materials that range from stainless steel and glass to rubbery latex and soft silicone. At this rate, it may be impossible for the average man to navigate himself through the choices to land on anything worthwhile. I have my fingers crossed that this buyer’s guide can give you some information you can use. After all, it doesn’t look like prostate massagers are going anywhere soon.
Why a Prostate Massager Though?
I don’t mean to get all scientific on you guys, but doctors recommend frequent masturbation and ejaculation for optimal health. That goes for both sexes, and there are no rules on how orgasm can be achieved. In other words, if using a good prostate massager helps you or your lover reach climax more easily, it can actually make you live longer.
In fact, medical professionals say that the average man needs to ejaculate at least 21 times per month to enjoy good prostate health. Furthermore, prostate-derived orgasms are extremely satisfying, meaning a little goes a long way. Just imagine what your life and health will be like if you frequently masturbate or have sex with a well-made prostate massager that has a ton of amazing features.
That’s why prostate toys have become so popular these days. They not only feel good but they’re also good for you. Plus, men no longer feel insecure when engaging in ass play of this caliber. Understanding the human body better has led us all to a more substantial appreciation for and curiosity about creative marital aids. Nobody should have to shy away from a mind-blowing orgasm simply because someone says it’s improper. Who makes the rules anyway?
The Top 6 Ways to Tell If That Prostate Vibrator Is Worth It or Not
Today’s marketer may understand the human body and brain better than anybody, but that doesn’t mean the modern consumer is a knuckle dragger. All anybody needs is a little guidance (and a few hits off of a really potent truth blunt). So, instead of standing there coughing out a lung while throwing your hard-earned money down the drain, why not just use some of your own discernment and put these so-called marketing geniuses in their place?
Each and every one of us has fallen victim to excellent advertising. If it didn’t work, they wouldn’t keep using it. But now is the time for us to take back control of our wallets, and we’re taking our assholes with us.
Below are the top 6 things you should look at or consider when shopping for a good prostate massager:
I don’t think I have to tell you this, especially not since we’re talking about items to shove up your ass, but nevertheless, size is definitely an important factor to consider when shopping for your first (or next) prostate massager. Because the toy only needs to hit the p-spot to generate a pleasurable sensation, it makes no sense to go after a massive tool just for the hell of it. After all, every man’s prostate gland is located in a different spot, but we’ll touch more on that in the “Shape” section below.
Anyway, always consider the size of that prostate massager and question whether it’s ideal for your unique body (or for the body of the lover you’re about to use it on). This is an especially important factor when you’re new to this whole butt-play thing. Even if you think you can handle a large device, you may not be able to wield it with the type of precision you need.
Fortunately, today’s best prostate massagers come in a variety of sizes, from miniscule models to massive monstrosities. I suggest working your way up to that point. But, if you think you’re ready for the big leagues, just be sure to mind the other important things on this list and you should be fine. However, I recommend using a lot of really good lube if you’re headed in that direction.
Did you know that prostate massagers also come in a variety of shapes? Some are designed to look like little bullets or eggs while others are made to resemble an actual human penis. Depending on the type of sexual experience you’re wanting to have (and depending on the sexual orientation of your lover), the shape you choose may determine how much pleasure you get from it.
Take, for example, a newbie guy who’s wanting to try prostate play for the first time. He’s not homosexual and has fallen victim to society’s stigma on having his tush tickled. Do you bring home a huge toy that looks like his college roommate’s dick? No, you don’t. You bring home a small, modest device that’s shaped like nothing he can recognize. In other words, the shape of a prostate massager can sometimes ruin perfectly good intentions.
On the other hand, say you have someone who’s been around the block a few times. Homosexual and down for whatever, you whip out a tiny prostate massager and fumble around trying to make it feel good. He’ll be saying, “It’s like you don’t even know me!” Your poor lover is going to be more frustrated than you could ever imagine, and your joint bank account is going to be much lighter as a result. I don’t even want to tell you what will happen to your sex life after that.
This may be the most exciting and yet the most confusing part about shopping for a new prostate massager. These modern-day sex toy manufacturers sure are overachievers. I’ve never seen so many options for one type of product in my entire life. I feel your pain.
These days, the average guy can get his hands on some pretty high-tech stuff. NASA-inspired prostate massagers are now the norm, flooding the market by the millions. Meanwhile, average boys are sinking fast through the cracks that have been created by the market’s massive weight. The only way to keep your cool in Candy Land is to break things down a bit and stay focused:
- Your Lifestyle
How will your lifestyle play into the way you enjoy your new toy? Will you have to use it alone or do you have an active sex life? How many people live in your home? Do you travel a lot? The answers to those questions will point you toward a prostate massager that’s ideal for you.
- Your Body
Not everyone’s bodies are the same, but you already knew that. The features of the prostate massager you choose may feel good for one person but feel awful to you. I suggest doing a finger test before spending any money, just to familiarize yourself with the p-spot location as well as pleasurable depths and pressures.
- Your Budget
Keep in mind that (usually) it costs more money the more features you have on your sex toy. While contemporary prostate massagers manufacturers have gone out of their way to develop devices that are suitable for a wide variety of users, some of the best products on the market require a second mortgage to afford.
- Your Knowledge
High-tech features need someone knowledgeable to operate them. Take, for example, the prostate massagers out there with Bluetooth connectivity. Do you even know how to use Bluetooth? Do you have the right equipment? How well can you follow instructions? I don’t have to tell you how frustrating this part can get if you’re not properly prepared.
You may not be a material girl, but you most certainly live in a material world. That is to say, the material(s) with which your prostate massager is made will make an enormous difference in how much you end up liking it. Allow me to explain.
You see, prostate massagers made from medical-grade or skin-safe silicone are generally considered to be the best. They’re durable, hypoallergenic and easy to clean. On the flip side, they can’t be used with silicone-based lubricants and are usually more expensive. Other materials such as latex, polycarbonate, TPE, stainless steel and glass are typically less costly but they’re not normally as durable, can sometimes cause allergic reactions and may be difficult to maintain.
Whatever the case, be sure to stay far away from any toy that contains phthalates. It’s a chemical used by some manufacturers to increase a product’s flexibility or elasticity. That might not sound too bad, but phthalates are highly toxic and can cause intense rashes and other health problems I won’t even bother describing here.
Getting your products from a manufacturer you can trust is a great way to avoid paying for a piece of junk. Brand name sex toys are usually better quality, not to mention they have the backing of a well-known maker. However, some of the less-known brands out there are consistently churning out high-end products that should not be ignored.
I’ll admit that I tend to gravitate towards names like Fleshlight, LELO, Kiiroo, and Doc Johnson, but I’ve found some pretty amazing things when I went “slumming.” So, although some of the brands out there aren’t as popular as others, give them a chance if they’re creating worthwhile products. Don’t let clever marketing and a flood of positive reviews deter you from your main mission: to find a prostate massager that’s a perfect fit for you.
My mother always said it was rude to talk about money, but this is necessary. How much money do you realistically plan to spend on the device of your choosing? Do you realize that the average prostate massager’s cost does not include the price involved with keeping it charged, using its features, maintaining its integrity, storing it and/or stocking up on the lube? I’m just saying, there might have to be some budget cuts here or there.
Affording a prostate massager that’s ideal for your body, sex life and lifestyle is an important investment and it should never be taken lightly. With that said, it wouldn’t hurt to keep your eyes peeled for discount codes, coupons and on-site sales from various sex toy makers. They’re all competing with one another for your business. Make them work for it.
My Top 3 Best Prostate Massagers In 2020:
Among the myriad of awesome (and not-so-awesome) prostate massagers, I’ve ran across a few that will forever have my respect. I’m going to list them out below but before I do, let’s remind ourselves that no product on today’s market is perfect and that none of them are ideal for everyone. Define for yourself what makes a great sex toy.
#1 The LELO Hugo
This thing has everything you want a prostate massager to have: a two-sided wireless remote control with batteries included, a powerful motor that’s fully rechargeable using a commonplace USB cord, and a 100% waterproof body fit for the showers. Made from medical-grade silicone, the handsome Hugo boasts 5.5 inches in length, 4 inches in undulating girth and uses a combination of SenseMotion Technology and six pre-programmed vibe settings. Not bad, LELO.
PRO: It’s an all-inclusive prostate massager that also comes with a 1-year warranty.
CON: It’s kind of expensive compared to some of the other models on this list.
#2 The Rocks Off Big Boy
BIGGEST AND BADDEST
Textured for superior sensations, this massive device features several strategically placed bulges running along its rather long and fat shaft. Made from skin-safe silicone with a polished gold activator switch, the Rocks Off Big Boy looks sleek while operating quietly in the background. It has seven distinct vibration variations to explore, plus it can be used hands-free or taken with you to the shower.
PRO: It’s extremely stimulating and allows for a lot of freedom.
CON: It may be too large for some.
#3 The Desire
L-shaped for greater versatility when it’s inserted in the anus, this high-tech prostate plaything has all the contemporary features you want without all the complicated maintenance rules. Not only is it fully waterproof but it’s also rechargeable with a standard USB. It features 8 vibration settings that can be ran at a whopping 12 different speeds and best of all it comes with a wireless remote control for long-distance debauchery.
PRO: It’s very difficult to get bored with all this toy’s settings combinations.
CON: The remote-to-toy distance is somewhat limited.
The Runners Up: 3 Other Prostate Vibrators Worth Your Attention
While I personally believe you will find what you need in the Three Kings list, I do understand that we’re all looking for something different. The wonderful world of prostate massagers has not been shy about releasing new innovations every time we turn around. Fortunately, that influx in options gives us the ability to enjoy customizable cumming. Conversely, those options can make it hard to pinpoint the perfect prostate massager.
If you’re a reasonable human being, then you probably like to do your homework before handing out your cash. Many otherwise amazing and/or attractive prostate massagers end up being extremely difficult to clean and maintain or they fall apart after one or two uses. None of the products mentioned above are like that, but the fact of the matter remains: We all want to be sure we’re spending our money on quality products.
So, please feel free to look through my Runners Up list below for a few more pieces of “scholarly” inspiration before you make up your mind:
MOST INTENSE: The Lovehoney Ripple Rider
Quite intimidating to look at initially, the Lovehoney Ripple Rider is definitely for those who know what they’re doing. It features a thick, bulbous shaft with two finger hooks on the bottom for control, and with 5 different vibration intensities to explore it’s difficult to finish without your eyes rolling into the back of your head. Beware: This is likely not for the newbies.
MOST TRAVEL-FRIENDLY: The PornHub VPM
With backing by the famous PornHub, you’d expect nothing short of perfection on this prostate massager and that’s exactly what you’ll get, especially if you’re constantly on the go. Compact enough to fit in your carry-on luggage but robust enough to hit the sweet spot, this 2-for-1 bad boy features seven different vibe functions and even comes with a removeable bullet vibrator for extra discretion.
MOST VERSATILE: The Aneros Helix Syn
Specially made for comfort, this model is ideal for those who want to explore the far reaches of their anal cavity without committing to prostate play. It has just 4 inches of insertable length and only 3 inches of girth at its widest point. With a rounded tip and a convenient finger hook for safety, this modest mechanism is made from hypoallergenic materials and also has a little pad to stimulate the perineum upon insertion.
The End Game
When all is said and done, it’s not about the size, the shape or the high-tech features of a sex toy. What matters most is that all those things come together to provide you and your lover with a pleasurable and satisfying experience in the bedroom. If that calls for a 7-inch, bulbous, vibrating prostate massager with a wireless remote control, a perineum stimulator and a waterproof shaft, then so be it. Apprehensions: Ain’t nobody got time for that.