Being able to successfully reach orgasm isn’t easy for everybody, regardless of how those actors in the pornos make it look. Never has anyone I’ve known ever answered the door for a pizza delivery boy and ended up getting turned out over the back of their couch.
If that was the world we lived in, I’d be out of a job, habitually single and known by name at my local pizza joint. The fact of the matter is this: We can’t all be porn stars.
So, sex toys play an important role in your physical, mental and emotional wellbeing, especially when you don’t order take-out very often.
Unfortunately for many, getting laid in any satisfactory manner is about as easy as taking it in the rear for the first time. Just go to your happy place.
After a while without a decent orgasm, folks can get a bit cranky or, even worse, settle for a second-rate one-night-stand in hopes that their pent-up frustrations will be assuaged.
“Although the wonderful world of sex toys has done its best to provide for the needs of all people, there’s always been a gap between fiction and reality.”
These days, that gap has become much smaller because our world has become much more familiar with things like twerking sex dolls, automatic blowjob machines, VR-compatible masturbators and squirting dildos. Yes, you heard that right, I said “squirting dildos.”
In fact, there are so many different models on the modern-day sex toy market that I had to write this buying guide to help you navigate through the riffraff. You’re welcome.
Why Use Ejaculating Dildos?
Table of Contents
- Why Use Ejaculating Dildos?
- The Top 7 Ways to Tell If That Squirting Dildo Is Worth It or Not
- My Best Squirting Dildos In 2021:
- #1 The King Cock with Balls
- #2 The Doc Johnson Bust It
- #3 The POP by Semenette
- #4 The Lifelike Lover Classic
- #5 The Big Shot by Evolved Novelties
- #6 The Squirtz CyberSkin
- #7 The Loadz Dual Density 9 Inch
- The End Game
According to recent studies, ejaculation can actually be felt by the receiving partner during unprotected sex. Research shows that a squirt of ejaculate can create pleasurable sensations that significantly enhance the sexual experience for everyone involved.
As though it were designed to be inherently beneficial, a freely cumming penis provides instant pleasure for the man and a gives a warm, cozy feeling to his lover – a feeling that, up until now, couldn’t be matched.
Thanks to leading technology in the sexual satisfaction arena, we now have dozens of squirting (or ejaculating) dildos to choose from. Varying in size, shape, quality and functionality, these marvels of modern machinery are made to look, feel and perform as realistically as possible.
Especially when combined with some of the other high-tech stuff that’s out there, anybody can now be transformed into a shameless pervert without leaving the comfort of his or her own home.
The Top 7 Ways to Tell If That Squirting Dildo Is Worth It or Not
They say that too many options breeds confusion and I’d have to agree. Being inundated with dildos may sound like a party, but in reality, it’s just a pain in the ass. It’s not that we want a one-size-fits-all sex toy; it’s just that we’re sick and tired of trying to find a needle in this massive and confusing haystack.
When it comes to squirting dildos, finding the perfect one can be an enormously expensive headache. Not only are these toys a relatively new concept but some of their manufacturers have become overzealous with production.
By that I mean they’ve churned out dozens of versions that are only slightly different and have cut countless corners along the way. What we’re left with is a flooded sex toy market that has way too many variables. Honestly, I never thought I’d say that.
Regardless of all the things that have changed, there’s one thing that always remains the same: The average person cannot realistically navigate the modern-day squirting dildo market without eventually feeling overwhelmed.
What people end up with, instead of an awesome sex toy collection, is a recipe for dick-saster. To avoid that whole mess and get down to business sooner, take a sec to skim through what I like to call “The Qualifying Round.”
Below are the top 6 things you should look at or consider when shopping for a good squirting dildo:
If anyone ever tells you that size doesn’t matter, punch them in the mouth (kidding). Seriously though, ignore that BS and pay close attention to the dimensions of your sex toys. This consideration is not just for the sake of your vag and ass.
Automatically picking the meanest-looking and most intimidating dildo (or vice versa) because you think it will generate the most pleasure is a rookie mistake. Size is important. And don’t just consider the length, consider the girth too.
I warn you of the importance of size for three good reasons:
- Discretion – How hard do you think it will be to hide or explain a massive, fake dick in your bedroom?
- Storage – Where are you going to keep a squirting dildo that’s the size of a Honda Civic?
- Versatility – Who all will be enjoying this thing? Just you? A partner perhaps?
Don’t get me wrong. An extra-large squirting dildo can be a lot of fun in the right context, but it may not be suitable for everyday use.
Furthermore, the size of any sex toy determines how much lube and cleaning solution you have to use, meaning things can get rough and expensive quickly.
Whatever you decide, be sure that the squirting dildo you choose is useful in several applications or else it becomes little more than a costly novelty.
So, here’s another thing you need to know but few people ever tell you. The majority of contemporary squirting dildos do a great job of resembling an erect human penis, but they’re not all shaped exactly the same.
In fact, some are curved so much that they look more like bananas than anything else. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure that’s not for everybody.
Considering the fact that every dick on the planet is unique, squirting dildos being equally as unique should come as no surprise. Product designers are always pushing the envelope to create sex toys that run the gamut between hyper-realistic and ultra-fantastic.
To get something good, you’ll have to figure out what you want and then sort through your options at that point. Narrow things down a bit more by completing your journey through this list.
What I’m trying to say is that the shape of a squirting dildo isn’t always automatically straight and/or smooth. I’ve even seen a few with texturized or undulating shafts, so don’t fall victim to poor due diligence.
A good squirting dildo’s shape may be subjective, but it’s still important to know what you’re getting into (or better yet, what’s getting into you).
Who wants to masturbate with a squirting dildo that looks nothing like an actual human penis? Well, a lot of people as a matter of fact, which is why you need to pay close attention to the aesthetic features of that toy you’re considering.
Does it have humanistic properties or is it more fantasy-based? How in the world do you tell the difference? I’m glad you asked.
So, dildos with fantasy-based realism will appear very realistic but only in terms of the thing that they’re mimicking.
Typically, that toy’s realism will resemble something hyperdimensional, extraterrestrial or just downright unusual. Currently, there aren’t very many squirting dildos designed like that, so picking out the best one should be pretty easy and we won’t talk about those right now.
As for the average Joe or Jane who is looking for a genuine experience, life-like realism is key. Look for things like:
- Balls, especially with wrinkles
- Accuracy of color
- Hair/No hair
- Circumcised/Uncircumcised corona
Put simply, the squirting dildo that’s right for you will have the attributes you enjoy having sex with the most, whether that be bushy pubic hair, fat balls or alien-like skin.
If you’re going for a squirting dildo then you probably like your loads to be large and in charge, amirite? Personally, I can’t blame you. I’m the same way, only I make an SD my bitch, so I need massive volume.
In other words, I suggest checking how much fluid that squirting dildo can hold before you buy it.
Just as it is with size, shape and realism, the fluid capacities of the squirting dildos of this world are not identical. I learned that the hard way, so listen up, kids.
The average ejaculating dildo allows for about 1-3 ounces of lubricant (which is what most manufacturers recommend using as substitute ejaculate). Some can hold a lot more, while others are far punier. Keep that in mind when you’re shopping around.
Volume is also an important factor to consider if your body reacts to ejaculate in an unusual way. For example, it takes some people a few seconds to feel an ejaculation, meaning a toy with a small volume might not be ideal.
On the other hand, some folks are extremely sensitive to it and can thus reach orgasm the instant ejaculation begins. Which category do you fit into?
Exploring the high-tech, user-friendly features is perhaps the most exciting thing about shopping for contemporary sex toys and modern-day squirting dildos. I say that because, nowadays, we have some pretty amazing things like:
- Distinctive vibration settings that range widely in speed and intensity
- Bluetooth compatibility and long-distance toy-to-toy communication
- Virtual reality capabilities for pre-recorded or live sexual experiences
- SenseMotion Technology that allows for real-time, tandem masturbation.
- Motion sensing settings that can either turn the toy on/off or automatically adjust the vibe functions depending on the user’s body movements
To be quite honest, the list of features available to today’s sex toy shopper is virtually endless. The secret is to be careful out there and know what you want ahead of time. For assistance, remember that your run-of-the-mill squirting dildo will have the following basic features:
- The Shaft
All dildos have a shaft, and squirting dildos are no exception. The difference is that the shaft of a squirting dildo houses many things that don’t exist on your typical sex toy. Keep in mind that the shaft of any dildo will vary slightly from its competition in flexibility and firmness.
For squirting dildos, however, I suggest sticking to models on the firmer side so you don’t get a kink in the hose.
- The Canal
Speaking of hoses, because squirting dildos are designed to mimic real ejaculation, a tube (or canal) is mandatory. The quality and durability of that compulsory tube is of paramount importance too.
So, look for a toy with a canal that’s constructed out of hard plastic, TPE or another kind of polycarbonate. Not only are those easier to clean but they’re also less susceptible to cracking and warping.
- The Lubricant Reservoir
That squirting dildo’s canal is useless if it doesn’t have a lube reserve to pull from. With that said, the toy’s reservoir is where that “volume” stuff I mentioned earlier comes into play. Check the specs ahead of time and be sure your favorite selection offers enough space for a proper blast-off.
Also, make sure it’s easy to clean out, because yuck.
- The Opening for Ejaculate
Reservoir and canal combined, that ejaculate has to go somewhere. Therefore, the quality of the opening on the top is crucial if you want a smooth ride.
Think about this: If the opening is still partially closed after faulty manufacturing, or if it simply isn’t big enough, the canal could become clogged more easily. If that happens, you could do damage to your toy or expose yourself to harmful bacteria.
“Trial and Error” is a perfectly good strategy for many things but this isn’t one of them. The materials with which your squirting dildo is made matter more than any other consideration I’ve laid out so far. Why, then, is it not at the top of my list?
Because you won’t understand its significance unless you’ve thought about the other stuff first.
You see, most squirting dildos are made from several different materials because of the various components used – one for the covering of the shaft, another for the tube, yet another for the lube reservoir, etc.
At any given moment, your most sensitive body parts could be hammered by a variety of chemicals and allergens. And this isn’t just with squirting dildos, this is with any manufactured/synthetic product on the market.
Moral of the story: Know your body and pay attention to the ingredients in your cock-tail. I’m pretty sure zero squirting dildo makers in the history of squirting dildo makers has admitted liability because of a customer’s unintentional allergic reaction to the materials in their product. Just sayin’.
If you’re one of those people who happens to have super sensitive skin, always go for the skin-safe materials like medical-grade silicone, metal or glass.
Try to stay away from latex if you can, and never buy anything that contains phthalates because that’s just a nasty chemical that has nothing to do with allergies.
FACT: Phthalates are banned in several countries, so most sex toy manufacturers mention inclusion or exclusion on the product’s label.
While most of us want to think that a brand becomes popular because it continually pumps out high-quality products, that’s not how this works at all. Market relevance and the coveted top-seller status are both subject to good advertising and exposure.
These days, it seems to be more about mind-bending than common sense.
My observation is just an independent opinion, of course. It doesn’t mean that some of these big-name manufacturers haven’t earned their reputation through hard work and determination.
I’m only saying that choosing your first/next squirting dildo solely on brand affiliation is a huge mistake.
My Best Squirting Dildos In 2021:
Among the myriad of awesome (and not-so-awesome) squirting dildos, I’ve ran across a few that will be forever burned into my memory. I’m going to list them out below but before I do, let’s remind ourselves that no product on today’s market is perfect and none of them are ideal for everyone.
#1 The King Cock with Balls
Impressive with its realism and bold with its size, the King Cock is definitely a force to be reckoned with. This 7.5-inch squirting surprise features a tapered head that’s ideal for both beginners and experts.
Lightweight and portable, it holds an exceptional amount of jizz while you hold on to more of your money.
PRO: Its realism is on point.
CON: Using it can be extremely messy.
#2 The Doc Johnson Bust It
BIGGEST AND BADDEST
Extra thick to provide a substantial sensation, the Doc Johnson Bust It boasts a little more than 8.5 inches in total length, making it the perfect choice for people who enjoy stretching and deep-sea diving.
With all the realism you’ve come to expect from the Doc Johnson brand, this bad boy features raised veins, a large capacity semen dispenser and is fully waterproof.
PRO: Realistic looking but still fit for a fantasy.
CON: Can be painful to newbies.
#3 The POP by Semenette
This is the famous squirting dildo that doubles as a strap-on. Feature-rich, lightweight and realistic, the POP by Semenette offers an impressive 7 inches of easy-to-clean length.
With ultra-realistic aesthetics and ergonomics, this horny hero is perfect for people from all walks of life and with varying experience levels.
PRO: It’s one of the most versatile squirting dildos on the market so far.
CON: Figuring out what type of artificial semen to use can be difficult since the manufacturer doesn’t offer any suggestions.
Although the Three Kings are most likely enough to satisfy even the pickiest people, the sex toy industry has never been one of moderation. Once a good thing is discovered, it gets created ad nauseum until consumers get sick of it and demand something new.
Fortunately, we’re not to that point yet, so there’s still time for you to jump on the bandwagon before this squirting dildo thing becomes old news (yeah right).
If, like me, you prefer to do extensive research before swapping Benjamins, look through my Runners Up list below for a few more pieces of “scholarly” inspiration:
#4 The Lifelike Lover Classic
This outstandingly simple specimen has a lot in common with a famous porn star: It has 5 inches of girth, 5 inches of length and it can cum on command.
With extra luxurious balls and a series of raised veins running down the thick shaft from the bulbous head, the waterproof Lifelike Lover Classic is a one-hit wonder in bed or in the shower.
#5 The Big Shot by Evolved Novelties
Made from skin-safe silicone and featuring a powerful vibrating motor with 10 distinct speed and intensity settings, this high-tech hero is smaller than the other squirting dildos on this list.
It measures a quaint 6 inches with a humble width of just over 1.5 inches. Ideal for newcomers and casual masturbators, it also has an automatic jizz button that’s powered by a USB rechargeable battery.
#6 The Squirtz CyberSkin
Simple yet incredibly realistic, the Squirtz Cyberskin is made with materials that give the illusion of actual skin-to-skin contact. With a bulging corona and soft, supple balls, this magnificent work of art not only looks the part but also feels like the real thing.
It has 6.5 inches of length to enjoy, plus a large capacity reservoir in the balls for a quick and easy money shot.
#7 The Loadz Dual Density 9 Inch
MOST HEAT PACKED
This 9-inch-long mega monster is certainly not for newbies and lightweights. With just over two inches in circumference and a highly detailed exterior, the Loadz Dual Density 9-Inch is just flexible enough to move like a real penis but still firm enough to reach the sweet spot every time.
Sans extra features like vibes and auto jizzers, it remains a popular option for those who have “been there, done that.”
The End Game
When all is said and done, it’s not about the size, the shape or the high-tech features of a sex toy. What matters most is that all those things come together to provide you and your lover with a pleasurable and satisfying experience.
If that calls for a 9-inch squirting dildo with half a dozen vibe functions and a massive jizz reservoir, then so be it. You do what you want. Nobody puts Baby in the corner.