Having good sex is what life is all about, am I right? Ok, so there are a few slightly more important things to think about, but a decent love life is on the top of the list for most people. As for folks like you and me, finding a good sex toy requires a proper amount of homework, lest we be accused of thinking with our libido instead of our brain. Lucky for you, this buyer’s guide is designed to get consumers prepared for the test.
Men and women have been seeking high-quality sex toys (a.k.a. “marital aids”) since they realized they had genitals. A few thousand years ago, people fashioned love gloves and dick sticks out of anything they could find. Archaeologists even recently uncovered a handful of dildos made from chalk, and before that they found ancient Roman masturbators made out of stale bread. Records show that things like spit, menstrual blood and olive oil were used as lube.
I tell you all this because of one thing: We should all be extremely grateful for the innovative minds who have ushered in this new era of sex toy manufacturing for us. I, for one, am not a big fan of masturbating with old food and rock-hard minerals, but to each his own I suppose. Now, we have amazing things like automatic male masturbators, thrusting and squirting dildos, lifelike sex dolls, and (drum roll please) vibrating wands. It’s a great time to be alive.
The wand vibrators available on the market today are nothing like the wand vibrators of the past. With humble beginnings as low-power prescription-based tools, today’s wand vibes cut to the chase. Some even come with rechargeable batteries so the fun never has to stop. Whichever direction you go from there, know this: Not all vibrating wands are created equally.
A good wand may change the dynamics of your sex life, but that only happens if you understand and appreciate the nuances of this wonderful world you’re about to enter. From the outside, it may look like wand vibes aren’t anything special. I suppose the designers did that on purpose for discretion. However, I urge you to peer past that relatively innocuous appearance to see the beauty and ingenuity that is the wand vibrator.
Why a Wand Vibrator Though?
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First off, if I have to explain to you how cool wand vibrators are then you’re on the wrong page (kidding). Regardless, you should understand by now that a well-researched sex toy can make a huge difference in the quality of the love-making coming from your bedroom. If you honestly have no clue what you’re missing with this whole wand vibrator thing, listen up. It’s about to get real.
Put as simply as possible, a wand vibrator is a vibrating sex toy that has an elongated handle, a soft, vibrating ball on top and a series of automatic and/or manual controls. With improved ergonomics and elegant, high-tech features, these impressive devices take bullet vibrators to the next level. And although wired wand vibes have been around for quite some time, the new models are completely wireless and three times as powerful.
Improvements to the grand design were inevitable, especially since wand vibrators have steadily increased in popularity since their inception. Today’s magic wands offer women (and men) a new type of sexual stimulation that, when done correctly, can supersede the sensations of real sex. Not only is the pleasure more wide-spread than it is with conventional vibrators, but the overall design of this innovative toy makes it much easier to manipulate for many users.
In short, wand-style vibes send continual shockwaves to a large surface area. This generally results in the user experiencing full-body pleasure instead of localized joy. Furthermore (yeah, I’m still going), a good wand vibrator can double as a muscle massage instrument. So, even if you’re unsure how one of these devices will fit into your bedroom routine, buying one could always end in a sensual rub-down.
Modern-day wand vibrators have a ton of intriguing features that make them a worthy addition to anyone’s collection. The higher-end devices are finally beginning to catch up with their futuristic cousins, now featuring things like Sync-to-Music and wireless remote controlling. Choosing the best model is only a matter of knowing what to look for (and what to avoid).
Here are a few things you should do before moving forth:
Take some body measurements.
Do you know how big your hand is? Have you done a finger test on yourself or your partner? How much circumference and stretch are you working with? Can you hang on to something that has a fat handle? You better figure that stuff out first.
Find out if you have any allergies or chemical sensitivities.
There’s no better time than the present to discover underlying health problems such as unknown allergies and/or chemical sensitivities. The only other time to find all that out is after sex or in the emergency room. Can’t afford a doctor’s appointment? Stick with silicone-based wand vibrators to avoid allergic reactions.
Familiarize yourself with the most popular manufacturers.
Sex toy makers get good (or bad) reputations in the industry for good reasons, but some of them have a healthy following due to clever marketing. Do some detective work on each manufacturer to make sure their claims are up to par with consumer opinion.
Create a flexible budget.
Know your price range ahead of time so you don’t over spend, or worse, get sticker shock when you see how much some of these wand vibrators cost. Keep in mind that this is supposed to be an investment in your future orgasms, so make your budget flexible enough to accommodate pleasant surprises.
Keep it real about the features you need.
Granted, many of the wand vibes available today have some pretty cool features. However, some of them aren’t practical for the novice person. Only pay for what you’ll use and save that high-tech crap for someone with a bigger bank account. If the vibes are strong, you can’t go wrong. Also, don’t forget to ask your partner what he or she wants, jerk.
But since contemporary sex toy manufacturers have caught wind of our incessant demands, the wand vibrator market is now besieged with options. Therefore, average people can’t figure out which device to buy and most of them wind up spending money on an expensive piece of junk. So, while the choices are virtually endless, don’t fall into the trap. Marketers are clever, but that doesn’t mean you’re stupid. This shopping trip doesn’t have to be a nightmare.
The Top 5 Ways to Tell If That Top Rated Wand Vibrator Is Worth It or Not
Being the first among your long list of lovers to own a high-end wand vibrator is definitely a good thing. After all, some of the people we know are still beating their meat and flicking their bean with stale toast and sidewalk chalk. I won’t allow you guys to go out like that. It’s important to keep in mind, however, that a little discernment goes a long way here. Don’t fall for the hype; know what to look for.
Here are the top 5 things you should examine or consider when shopping for your next (or first) wand vibrator:
We all know that the size of a man’s penis matters, but the size of your sex toy is just a tad more important. It’s mostly because you pay for a toy but don’t pay for a lover (usually), but it’s also because customization is the name of the game. Without a careful consideration of size, you could end up getting a wand vibrator that’s far too monstrous (or miniscule) for your intended purpose.
Old-school wand vibrators may have been these massive machines that hummed louder than a vacuum cleaner when they were turned on, but contemporary devices are way different. Many of them are made to be easily hidden or stored, plus most models I’ve encountered operate almost silently. We’ve come a long way since the first wand was invented, so let’s take advantage of it, shall we?
Wand vibrators may vary widely in shape and size, but the average model is large enough to fit in the palm of an adult’s hand with the vibrating ball extended out passed the fist. Usually, what differs in size is the tip (or ball) and the thickness of the handle. Regardless, both factors should be taken into consideration before any purchase, especially if the intended user is petite or has mobility problems.
Please realize that all wand vibrators are not shaped the same. While many of them have the same general features, the overall ergonomics vary widely from device to device. Take, for example, the Tracey Cox SuperSex 10. It’s shaped almost exactly like the Fifty Shades of Grey Holy Cow, but the devil is in the details. The TC10 has a more rigid edge between the vibrating ball and the handle, while the Holy Cow has a slimmer handle and a few more features. Sometimes, when you win, you lose.
Considering the shape of that wand vibrator is an important step because it helps you realize what matters most. That, in turn, makes it easier for you to tell the difference between sly advertising jargon and real, useful information. So, the next time a manufacturer markets their wand vibrator as “ergonomic” or “compact,” you can then decide if that means anything to you or not.
Just a bit of advice before I move on: The shape of your wand should be of primary importance to you (and your lover), despite how trivial it may seem. You see, the overall dimensions of that vibrator you’re holding will determine how much pleasure to derive from it. If you can’t keep a grip or if, God forbid, it doesn’t fit inside your body, then it’s pretty much worthless, is it not?
When it comes to things you plan to put inside your body, materials are crucial. So, while our horny ancestors did dastardly deeds to their temples, we can take better care of ourselves by paying closer attention to the ingredients in our sex toy’s recipe. And since wand vibrators are a 100% synthetic product, we have to be diligent about knowing how its materials will affect us. Furthermore, when bad things happen as a result of poor manufacturing, it’s up to us to hold the market accountable.
Most wand vibrators are made from a combination of materials ranging from silicone, TPE and polycarbonate to glass, metal and latex. Many models are compatible with lubes and condoms, but some may not be compatible with your skin type. Rashes and pain are indicative of a problem, but by then it may be too late. Stick with silicone if you’re unsure, or simply use a condom regardless.
The available features list for wand vibrators is already rather long, but it’s bound to grow even more as technology advances. With that in mind, understand that you’re about to be bombarded with data, all of which will pertain to how awesome some masturbation device is. It’s important to keep your wits about you right now. Stay focused, people!
You’ll find all kinds of things out there, but what’s important is that it does its job. So, while your buddy may have a wand vibe with 482 settings and an extra-large, textured head, that may not be the right model for you. Features are crucial but they’re not everything. My first wand vibe only had three (very similar) vibe settings but I fell in love with it and still use it to this day.
Choosing the features that you want on your wand vibrator isn’t easy, but that doesn’t mean it’s a difficult task either. More or less, it’s all about your individual tastes here, so don’t let a manufacturer tell you what you need. Not into listening to music while you masturbate or have sex? Then don’t pay an extra fifty bucks for a Sync-to-Music feature you won’t use. Get what I’m saying here?
Carefully vet out the people who are trying to take your money. Those people are not all the same, no matter what anyone’s skepticism or cynicism says. Yes, some manufacturers make their dough by ripping good people off. But there are always reputable makers who are trying hard to pave the way with decent business ethics and high-quality products. Keep your eyes peeled for those guys.
High-quality products come from high-quality manufacturers and vice versa. Trustworthy manufacturers will have either been around for years or will have gathered a respectable following in the short time they’ve been in business. The saying goes, “You shall know them by their fruit,” so don’t forget that when visiting websites and reading product reviews.
Wand vibrator makers don’t want you to know that they use psychology to open your wallets. Fortunately, bright colors, hot models and trigger words are no match against frugal research tactics and a well-planned shopping trip. So, get out there and get that orgasm that’s rightfully yours. I’ve got your back.
The Three Kings: My Best Rated Wand Vibrators
The sheer number of choices I had to sift through to find these top three wand vibrator models was insane. I’d say you wouldn’t believe the variety, but that’s probably why you’re reading this buyer’s guide in the first place. Let’s just say I’ve done the foot work for you, and it’s mostly because I care. I mean, we can’t all be losers who sit in a basement and write stuff about sex toys all day. Some of you have real jobs and I understand that.
With that said, below are my top three favorite vibrating wands (so far):
BEST OVERALL: The Coco de Mer Emmeline
This fancy-named marvel is most luxurious wand vibrator money can buy. Having been featured in the massively popular “Fifty Shades” series, the Coco de Mer is not only gorgeous but also powerful and ergonomically sound. Strategically shaped to stimulate the g-spot, this vibe is made for both internal and external pleasure. Users can freely cycle through the 5 vibe patterns before quickly recharging the device using a standard USB connection. Made with a silky-smooth chocolate brown silicone casing covering the powerful motor within, this beautiful beast is not only functional but it’s also fashionable.
PRO: This model is attractive, powerful, and can be used for dual stimulation as well.
CON: It’s one of most expensive wand vibrators on the market.
MOST HIGH-TECH: The Lovense Domi Wand
Described as a “mini wand,” this mighty machine produces anything but tiny tickles. Designed with traveling and discretion in mind, the Domi Wand by the Lovense brand packs a huge punch for its size. With three distinct vibration levels and up to 10 different patterns to explore, this magic stick leaves no stone unturned. It also has a wireless remote control and can sync to you or your lover’s favorite music for a more unique and customizable experience. Made out of silicone that feels like silk, this rechargeable toy features an ergonomic handle and easy-to-reach button placement too.
PRO: The vibrations are powerful and the Sync-to-Music Technology is virtually unheard of on wand vibes.
CON: It doesn’t have as many vibration settings as some of the comparably priced models.
MOST VERSATILE: The LELO Smart Wand
The word “smart” in this toy’s name refers to it’s unique shape and energy-conserving battery. Just as high-end and luxurious as its predecessors, this wand just so happens to be waterproof. Its 8 strong vibe settings are powered by a fully rechargeable cell, and its uniquely shaped handle is perfect for getting a firm grip during insertion. The LELO Smart Wand is made out of 100% skin-safe materials and comes with a 1-year manufacturer’s warranty as well. Fit for home or travel, this compact device is one of my favorite toys to play with on bath night.
PRO: It’s the only wand vibrator on this list that’s both rechargeable and moisture-friendly.
CON: It lacks the high-tech features like Sync-to-Music and wireless remote controlling.
The Runners Up: 3 Other Top Wand Vibrators Worth Your Attention
Didn’t find what you were looking for out of my suggestions up there? No problem. I’m extremely familiar with how all this works, so I know where to find the good stuff. It’s like being a member of some secret underground society. Only read on if you’re willing to take the pledge of pleasure.
Oh Captain, my captain, check out these 3 other wand vibrators that were just awesome enough to make it on to my coveted “Runners Up” list:
The Tracey Cox SuperSex
This sleek silicone beauty has 10 vibe settings and dual-ended design for maximum versatility. It’s moderately priced, cord-free and compact enough for an easy grip and even easier storage.
The Fifty Shades of Grey Holy Cow
This righteous contender features only 8 highly-stimulating vibe functions but it’s waterproof and wireless. Recharge it with a USB cable and you’re back in the game within an hour.
The Le Wand
With 10 vibe speeds and a whopping 20 pattern variations, this bad boy does not play around. Stylish and sophisticated, it’s splash-proof, rechargeable and one of the easiest wands to clean.
If, after reading this buyer’s guide and perusing my suggestions, you still haven’t found what you’re looking for, it may be necessary for you to reconsider your wants and needs. Although there are plenty of amazing options out there, nothing is perfect and we all know that. Give these wand vibrator manufacturers a chance to catch up with the other toys. It’s not nice to point fingers.
The End Game
So, don’t get discouraged if you can’t find something that hits all the right buttons. Just keep pressing. In the meantime, what matters most is that all the features come together to provide you and your partner with a pleasurable and satisfying sexual experience (hopefully more than once). If that calls for a heavy-duty wand vibrator with 20 vibe variations and a pivoting head, then so be it. Toast and stones may break your bones but wands will never hurt you.