Sex So Good You Can Taste It.
Table of Contents
You don’t have to be shy. You like to get or perform oral sex and there’s no hiding it anymore. You know it, your partners know it. Hell, your mama probably knows it by now. There’s no use trying to avoid the conversation when so many deliciously flavored lubes are on the market these days. Apparently, you’re not the only one who likes to swallow.
Now is the time for unity, boys and girls. So, even if you’re a spitter (shame on you, by the way), there are quite a few flavored lubes that are formulated to make it all worth your while. In fact, I’d venture to say that some of them are downright yummy, forcing the obvious question: Will a really tasty flavored lube make me bite down on my partner’s junk? The answer is no, or at least you better hope it is. No lube manufacturer can control what you do with your little bottle, so I suggest exercising some restraint starting right meow.
My reasoning makes perfect sense when you think about it. Selecting the best flavored lube isn’t a task you should take lightly. Did you know that not all lubes are compatible with sex toys? Do you realize that some lubes transfer onto your partner and/or stain fabrics? Do you still think this is a game? Truth be told, lubrication is the integral part of a good and healthy sex life, whether you use toys or not.
This often-overlooked product is ideal for use during traditional vaginal intercourse, it’s vital for anal sex, and it can even be used with your favorite toy. Gone are the days of using lube just to loosen a doorknob. The modern-day implementations for non-industrial lubrication are virtually endless, with sex and safety finally in the forefront where it belongs.
Add flavor to the mix and you’ve got a ripe recipe for an incredible demand on the flavored lube makers of the world. We the People want our tongues pleased too, especially when performing oral sex. Hell, even if we’re using the lube primarily on our toys, most of us still want something fragrant and tasty going on downstairs just in case. So, while grandpa used his lube to tinker with the lawnmower, you’ll use lube to tinker with your genitals. It’s the American way.
Why Flavored Lubes Though?
When examined objectively, flavored lubes are a smart addition to any already healthy sexual relationship. They provide a safe and subtle perk to a boring union as well. Without involving sex toys or other potentially intimidating erotica, flavored lubricants can spice things up in a slow and sensual way. And I would know. I used a flavored lube the first time I performed oral sex on a partner simply because the flavor made it easier.
Some people have trouble with oral sex because of their gag reflex. Mysteriously, that reflex doesn’t activate when that person is swallowing food. Generally, it happens because the throat thinks it’s about to receive food but doesn’t. So essentially, flavored lubes can trick your mind and throat into working together in unison – stopping the gag reflex from activating and allowing you to perform oral sex with confidence.
And with just a few drops of some flavored lube on my lover’s body I was able to enjoy a pressure-free expedition that even improved the ambiences of the room. I’ve never seen a sex toy that could do that. It works a little something like this: The best flavored lube will have a great taste AND a pleasant scent that radiates throughout the room. That scent will then play with you and your partner’s senses (i.e. aromatherapy) while blocking any foul body odors coming from either of you. Furthermore, the flavors will create an open invitation to explore one another’s bodies in a new and exciting way.
All jokes aside, every sexually active adult on the planet should have at least one bottle of lube in their bedroom. It’s not only a wise aesthetic choice but it’s also a safety issue. Often times, when you have sex or play with a toy without proper amounts of lube, you or your lover can end up suffering from a prolapse. So, if you’re going to use lube anyway, why not get one with some style and flavor?
The Top 6 Ways to Tell If That Flavored Lube Is Worth It or Not
It’s impossible for anyone alive today to say they’ve never fallen victim to clever advertising. After all, how many of us owned a pet rock at one point, or sent our hard-earned summer allowance via mail for a family of Sea Monkeys? Marketers have had us since we were kids and nothing has changed. Now, however, they lure us into consumer traps with empty promises, false hopes and deceptive reviews.
There are few people left who can see through the smoke and mirrors. By the time you’re done reading this, I hope one of those people will be you. Today’s marketing experts know exactly what to do and say to make you open your pockets. In fact, a large portion of what the world believes to be “the best” is simply the result of sly marketing ploys and a receptive audience. With the following guide, you no longer have to be the fish they shoot in the barrel.
Modern-day flavored lube manufacturers have flooded the market in an attempt to appease the constant demand for more and better. But what’s been left in the wake of their harkened productive force is a massively confusing amalgamation of seemingly amazing products that are mixed in carelessly with shitty products that should be taken out back and shot at the break of dawn. Let’s work together to stop the violence, kids.
Below are the top 6 things you should look at or consider when shopping for a good vibrator:
Everybody knows that taste is the most important factor when selecting a pleasantly flavored lube. All other factors are secondary, because an intolerable tang can ruin a perfectly good thing. Let that lube be water-based and perfect for toys or condoms. Try to make me a fan of a lube that warms or tingles my genitals like a booty butler. Like most people, I won’t like it if it has a taste I can’t jive with.
The hard part about shopping for a flavored lube is that the lube flavor descriptions can be deceptive, and you don’t get a taste test before you buy like at the grocery store. On top of that, almost every lube brand makes the same basic flavors: strawberry, cherry, watermelon, etc., and they’re obviously not all the same.
If you want to play it safe, stick with the rudimentary options but try to find a lube that’s water-based and made from natural flavors. If you feel like branching out, I suggest trying a specialty flavor. Buy it in small doses, though, just in case you don’t like it.
Modern science tells us that scent is the strongest sense tied to memory. So, with that in mind, choosing a flavored lube with a great taste and a tolerable aroma is important. You don’t want to go down in your (most likely ex) partner’s playbook as the one who smelled like a pile of garbage, do you? I didn’t think so. And pleasant smelling or not, try to keep in mind that some flavored lube scents come in varying intensities so you can basically customize your sex session if you get the right product.
To find the flavored lube that’s right for you, start with the subtle scents. This is especially important if you or your partner are sensitive to strong smells or if you prefer to experience the flavor of the lube more than its aroma. But for those who like to flood their senses during foreplay and sex, choose a flavored lube that offers pungent aromatherapeutic benefits – unique and robust flavor/scent combinations that may come as a pleasant surprise to your eager and unsuspecting lover.
They say consistency is key, and “they” are not wrong, especially when it comes to a good flavored lube. I’m not ashamed to admit that I want it all: a great taste, a pleasant smell, and a consistency that doesn’t make adventurous love-making even more difficult or messy. It’s tough to navigate through the trenches, but it’s possible with the right map.
Understanding why consistency matters can help you narrow down your search a little bit better, mostly because it allows you to determine your wants and needs better. So, without further ado, here are the top three things that can be affected by the consistency of a flavored lube:
- How You Can Use It – because a too thick or too thin lubricant can make sex with toys or tight spots super uncomfortable.
- How Many Times You Have to Reapply It – because thin lubes sometimes need lots of reapplications, but thick lubes can get dry and tacky in a hurry.
- Whether It’s Easy to Wash Off – because a long-lasting, water-based lube might be an SOB to wipe off with soap or scrubbing.
Obviously, choosing a flavored lube based on its consistency is a wise idea, even if the flavor and/or aroma isn’t the best. At the end of the day, you’re using lubrication to enhance the sensations of sex or provide an adequate reduction in friction. If you can find a product that meets somewhere in the middle, go for it.
Although there are a few regulations placed on modern-day flavored lube manufacturers, the amount of freedom afforded to zealous businesspeople is rather shocking. In other words, certain brands are suspect and they’ve earned their questionable reputations. With loads of potentially harmful chemicals, those shady dealers have ruined it for the good guys. In response, the good guys have started being more transparent about their product’s formula.
Pay close attention to the chemical make-up of that flavored lube you’re considering. They’re not all made the same. Even some of those seemingly innocuous water-based lubes have a few ingredients that can cause skin irritations and allergic reactions. So, while you may not look at the labels of the junk food you eat, it’s important to pay attention to that sort of thing right now.
The main ingredient in that flavored lube is going to determine a lot of things, and I’m not just talking about its consistency or flavor (which is affects also). What a lot of people don’t know is that the base product in any lube limits the type of sex toys and/or condoms they can use. Furthermore, certain ingredients can cause an allergic reaction in some people.
Unfortunately, there’s no handbook containing the Dos and Don’ts of lubrication ingredients. So, I’ve devised a small checklist to help you out:
- Water Base – This type of lube is ideal for just about any situation. Good on toys and great for vaginal, anal and oral sex, it’s perfect for people with skin sensitivities and silicone sex sticks.
- Oil Base – This type of lube is choice for folks who like extra long-lasting slipperiness. However, it’s not always compatible with toys or condoms and it can stain fabrics.
- Silicone Base – This type of lube has the smoothest consistency. Unfortunately, it can cause allergic reactions and can’t be used with silicone toys without eating away at the material over time.
A quick note about that flavored lube manufacturer: try to stick to well-known brands if you’re new to this. If you’ve been around the block a few times, consider it safe to venture out into no-man’s land to find a good lube from a company that’s not very popular. As long as the manufacturer produces the lube under strict guidelines, is transparent about their ingredients and lists everything clearly on the label, you should be fine.
Don’t forget, a brand’s reputation isn’t always indicative of good business practices. I suggest reading a few reviews before proceeding any further. And since that’s my recommendation, I’ve taken the liberty of hunting down the top flavored lubes available today. You’re welcome.
The Three Kings: My Favorite Flavored Lubes
Narrowing down my massive list of flavored lubes to the top three was a nearly impossible task. Thankfully, I was up for the challenge. Against all odds, I eventually came up with my favorites. Below are the best flavored lubricants (in my humble opinion):
BEST OVERALL: Crazy Girl Pink Cupcake Lube
I know it sounds crazy, girl (and guy), but this cupcake-flavored lube is hands-done the best I’ve encountered in a long time. Made from some virtually unknown brand, this high-quality stuff is like a delicious angel that fell out of the sky. Water-based (but containing some glycerin FYI) and sugar-free, this lube warms on contact and comes in an easy-to-dispense pump bottle. Furthermore, it’s perfect for use on toys and is condom compatible too.
PRO: It warms and has one of the most authentic flavors I’ve tasted so far.
CON: You have to put the bottle down on a hard surface to get the pump to work properly. #Awkward
BEST FOR TOYS/ANAL: Oralove Delicious Duo Lickable Lubes
This pack of two certainly packs a punch, with two distinct flavors that played off of one another in a beautiful tango inside my mouth. Gentle and creamy, this water-based and non-staining duo features two flavor combos: Strawberry + Mint or Peaches + Cream (I did the S/M for the tingling effect). Toy and condom-friendly, this pair is also hypoallergenic, long-lasting, and packed into bedside-ready squeezable, flip-top bottles.
PRO: It’s an extremely tasty and mild yet versatile lube that’s safe for all skin types.
CON: It becomes kind of tacky once it begins to dry.
MOST UNIQUE FLAVOR: System JO Gelato Salted Caramel Lube
Well, it looks like they’re making lubes that taste like coffee creamer now. So, I guess that means the best part of waking up is some flavored lube in your cup. I mean, this stuff is water-based (making it compatible with tummies, sex toys, and condoms), plus it’s glycerin-free and washes off easily. Long-lasting and slippery for days, this lube is a good all-around product as long as you enjoy the strong flavor and powerful scent.
PRO: It tastes like a gourmet beverage and performs like an Olympic athlete.
CON: The flavor might be suit everyone’s pallet, plus it leaves a bit of an aftertaste behind.
Runner’s Up: 3 Other Flavored Lubes Worth Your Attention
The sex toy/lubricant industry likely has something for everybody already. You just need to know how to shop and where to look. You don’t have to conduct your search for the perfect flavored lube with any sort of moderation or apologies. You like what you like and that’s ok. In fact, that’s how we got so many options in the first place. However, now is the time to jump on the bandwagon before this whole flavored lube thing goes bye-bye (yeah right).
The products listed above on the Three Kings lineup have been vetted out carefully with all factors in mind. However, I’m well aware that the variety of preferences in the world is vaster than our time will allow. With that in mind, I’ve created what I like to call my Runner’s Up list. It contains a few more of my best suggestions, just in case the ones I’ve mentioned don’t quite hit the spot. If, by the time you’re done reviewing these, you still haven’t found something worthwhile, I suggest settling on your second option or creating your own line of perfect lubricants. You may be the only hope we have.
MOST TRAVEL FRIENDLY: Doc Johnson Good Head Tingle Drops
The Doc Johnson Good Head Tingle Drops come in a generous three pack, first of all. Plus, they each contain a hint of menthol, meaning they create a subtle tingle when applied to the skin. Not only that, but the little water-based threesome comes in safety-sealed one-ounce bottles with easy-to-use twist caps that hold back a trio of very distinct flavors: Wild Watermelon, Sour Apple and Salivating Strawberry. With relatively skin-safe ingredients (minus the glycerin), this one is a good options for on-the-go rendezvous and people who like to keep things interesting.
MOST TRUSTED: Astroglide Strawberry
Made by one of the best-known brands on the market, Astroglide’s Strawberry lubricant features a toy-friendly water-based formula that’s not only long-lasting but also slippery to the touch. It comes in a convenient squeeze bottle with the brand’s patented ergonomic shape, designed to make it easier to apply the lube to the toys and condoms you’ll can safely use with it. Only slightly tacky once it dries, this lube contains glycerin, which means it may not be suitable for people with allergies or sensitive skin.
MOST ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY: Wicked Aqua Candy Apple Lubricant
While it may not be the flavor some people are looking for, this lube is both environmentally friendly and surprisingly tasty, especially if you’re into that whole sweet-and-sour thing. Created by obviously eco-conscious manufacturers, the Wicked Aqua Candy Apple lube is 100% vegan and never tested on animals. Made with natural, organic ingredients that are safe if swallowed and compatible with toys and condoms, this non-sticky and long-lasting flavored lube is a terrific choice for someone looking to add a little reliable variety to the mix.
The End Game
Don’t get discouraged if you can’t find something that hits all the right buttons, get busy doing something about it. Perhaps you’ll be the next lube innovator. Until you decide all our fates, I’ll still be looking for a flavored lube that’s without flaw. In the meantime, what matters most is that all the elements come together to provide you and your partner with a pleasurable and satisfying sexual experience (hopefully more than once). If that calls for a sugar-spice-and-everything-nice flavored lube with warming or tingling effects and an industrial sized pump bottle, then so be it. The world already knows your dirty little secret. Elvis has left the building.