Because the Road to Pleasure Is Paved in Gold.
If you’re any good at having sex then you’re probably someone with extremely exquisite taste. You’re likely also someone who can appreciate mechanical precision and first-class engineering. On top of that, you’re probably incredibly handsome and instantly loved by every sexual partner who graces your path. Oh wait, that’s me. Either this is my autobiography or we have more in common than we think.
Either way, I think we can all agree that producing an orgasm in another person requires tons of finesse and concentration, not to mention plenty of skill and (often) the right equipment. Even when playing pocket pool by yourself, a good sex toy can make all the difference in how pleasurable your experience ends up. After all, the days of masturbating with homemade objects, discarded food products and our bare hands have been over for decades. Today’s sex toy industry not only has toys for the average girls and boys but it now has models for the people who prefer the finer things in life. And while mid-grade sex toys may be made out of high-quality, skin-safe materials that last quite a long time, nothing compares to reaching climax on a sex toy made out of solid 24-karat gold.
Inexpensive, hastily made, economy toys seem to do more harm than good over time. Plus, most people prefer not to take their chances when it comes to the quality of their love life (especially when they spend any amount of money on it). Would you pay for a high-priced hooker if he/she fell asleep as soon as the hotel door closed? No, you wouldn’t, and you wouldn’t pay cold, hard cash for a dildo that’s guaranteed to either cause a rash or cause division in your sex toy stash. And that’s where high-end precious metal dildos come into play. While some skeptics may say that they’re a prime example of useless excess, there are actually several good reasons for their increasing popularity.
So have you been living under a rock or do precious metal playthings have too much swag for you? Here are the top 10 things you’ll need to know before determining the answer to that question:
- Do you and/or your partner have skin sensitivities or allergies to any materials (namely gold, silver, stainless-steel or titanium)?
- Do you have it in the budget to afford a sex toy of this caliber?
- Do you have what it takes to properly clean, maintain and store a high-end dildo?
- Do you think you’ll play with a toy like this often or only occasionally?
- Do your average sexual habits require that you use highly versatile, well-made toys only?
- Do you need a unique luxury gift to give to your lover just because or for a special occasion?
- Do you know anything about temperature play wit conductive materials?
- Do you have sex with a partner or by yourself most often?
- Do you have the right kind of personal lubrication to play with a precious metal dildo?
- Wait, do you even know what a precious metal dildo is?
By the way, having a clear definition of what we’re talking about here can make this shopping trip of your a whole lot easier for the both of us. So while the words “precious metal dildo” may be relatively telling to most folks, there are still some people who remain in the dark about what’s available to them. The simple fact that we’ve started crafting our sex toys out of the same materials that our grandmother’s wedding rings were made from is newsworthy to me, but I digress. This upwardly mobile trend of luxury doesn’t seem to be slowing down one bit and I’m not surprised. After all, our boujie crotches began demanding perfection right about the time we discovered the female orgasm. Coincidence? Your guess is as good as mine.
What Is a Precious Metal Dildo?
It’s not hard to understand the definition of a precious metal dildo. First of all, however, you need to know what a dildo is (and isn’t). Put simply, a dildo is a handheld self-pleasure device that’s made from a wide variety of materials and featuring a large array of unique attributes. Modern-day dildos come in varying shapes, sizes and colors but they’re all designed to produce intense, sexually gratifying sensations to the erogenous zones of the human body. Used by both men and women for vaginal and/or anal play, contemporary dildos range in functionality and quality while being uniformly kinky and standardized by their main components.
As for the precious metal variety, those are the dildos being discussed in this buyer’s guide. Because precious metal dildos have so many one-of-a-kind features, they’re typically found in a category all their own. There will be no change to that tradition here. Made out of materials that are far more luxurious (and often better feeling) than your simple silicone or elastomer varieties, precious metal dildos are usually better looking, longer lasting examples of mankind’s collective ingenuity (and perversion). Having only been around on the sex toy scene for a couple decades, however, the fanbase thereof isn’t quite up to par with the contemporary devices we all know and love today.
Still, there’s a lot to be said about the quality and efficacy of precious metal dildos, especially when they’re made by a well-known company with a proven track record in the sex toy industry. And while too many people assume that these high-end sex toys are reserved only for the rich and demented among us, that’s simply not the case at all. In fact, the majority of precious metal dildo owners are average people who live on a budget but enjoy the finer things in life. Precious metal dildos are, therefore, a testament to how far we’ve come as a sexually active species. After all, we used to fuck ourselves with moldy bread and molded chalk for God’s sakes. It’s about time we started using silver and gold instead.
BTW: Most “silver” dildos are made out of titanium or stainless-steel, so you don’t have to worry about nickel or other potential allergens. As for the gold ones, they’re generally comprised of a 14 to 24-karat plating that contains zero dangerous chemicals.
Why a Precious Metal Dildo Though?
Selecting a new precious metal dildo is a pretty big deal for most people, even those who are used to purchasing luxury items on the regular. The hunt can be exciting but it can also be nerve-racking if you’re unconvinced about the validity of the purchase. Would it help if I gave you five good reasons why you need a precious metal sex toy in your life? I’m sure it would, so I’ll do it even if you don’t want me to. Think of it as helpful literary BDSM. You can thank me later:
- Precious Metal Dildos are Beyond Luxurious
Because they’re made out of materials such as gold, titanium and stainless-steel, precious metal dildos are the epitome of luxury and sophistication. Think of the smoothest, swankiest sex toy you’ve ever seen. Now multiply the sensations and performance of that toy by ten. That’s as close as you’ll ever get to experiencing the sheer decadence of a precious metal plaything until you try the real thing. And don’t just take my word for it. Take the words of the millions of people who currently own one of these bad boys. There’s a reason why they sell like hot cakes while being priced like a Maserati.
- Precious Metal Dildos Are All Body-Safe
Due to their innately hypoallergenic properties, precious metal dildos and vibrators are never harmful to any skin type. Furthermore, most precious metal dildos can be used with any kind of personal lubricant you have on deck, making them as versatile as they are sophisticated. More so than all that though is the fact that all precious metals have a natural ability to combat bacteria and viruses (especially toys dipped in 24-karat gold). So although you’ll still have to take the same basic precautions when using your new luxury sex toy, there is a small amount of freedom provided by the innate properties of nature itself.
- Precious Metal Dildos Are Long-Lasting
If you or someone you know has ever received a precious metal heirloom then you know how long-lasting those materials are. With that said, it’s no wonder why the average precious metal dildo owner enjoys his or her toy for countless years without so much as dealing with the first scratch. And while gold is a notoriously soft metal, modern-day sex toy manufacturers take special care to ensure that the base metal used on the dildo is extra hard and strong for maximum durability. In other words, precious metal dildos have a forever erection that runs right down the middle, covered by a sumptuous temperature-responsive metal that rivals skin-like materials regardless of how real it’s made to feel.
- Precious Metal Dildos Are Impressive Works of Art
The simple fact that we’ve gone from using stale baguettes and leftover vegetables to using gold-plated dildos and vibrators is a feat worthy of celebration. Could you imagine if we were still stuck with those kinds of options in modern times? Not only would our genitals be begging for mercy but it would be tough to take the wife and kids to the grocery store without getting a boner. Today’s best precious metal dildos are so awesomely designed that they look more like a work of art than a sex toy. In fact, the top-rated models even come with a display stand in case you feel like showing your off. I’m not sure I would do that, but it’s nice to know the option is there.
- Precious Metal Dildos Are A Unique Status Symbol
When engaged in a little sex toy foreplay, it’s one thing to pull out a metal dildo that’s made from high-grade aluminum or steel. However, it puts you and your partner in a whole new league when you start using high-end, luxury-grade dildos made out of gold and silver. Capturing the human orgasm in the palm of your hand is quite the accomplishment, but doing so with a precious metal plaything makes you a legend. Tell yourself and your lovers that you mean business, or at least that you have better taste than them. If nothing else, present a precious metal dildo as a gift for a special occasion and let the competition begin.
The Top 5 Ways to Tell If That Precious Metal Dildo Is Worth It or Not
Although it’s important to know why precious metal dildos are so worthy of your time and attention, it’s also vital to become aware of what’s out there. The contemporary, budget-friendly sex toys on today’s market are a dime a dozen, but luxury-grade dildos and vibrators are still rather hard to come by. On the contrary, you’ll never find what you’re looking for if you don’t, in fact, know what to look for. And since the market for these toys is relatively small at the moment, it’s difficult to find any information that’s even remotely helpful.
Let’s stop the violence and break the cycle, shall we? Here are the top 5 things you need to look at or consider when shopping for your first (or next) precious metal dildo:
- The Size
Obviously, size is a key factor when determining the quality and efficacy of any sex toy you buy or try. While you don’t want a dildo that’s too large, an extremely small model might as well be a piece of jewelry. Fortunately, most of today’s best precious metal dildo manufacturers have gone the extra mile to create sex toys that match up well to the average human body. Look for something between 4 inches and 9 inches for maximum potential.
- The Material
Of course, a precious metal dildo is made out of precious metal by design, but that doesn’t mean all the precious metals used are of the same quality. You’ll want medical-grade and luxury-grade options if at all possible, meaning you’ll want to stay away from knock-off products whenever you can. And how do you do that, you ask? Well, for starters, always purchase precious metal dildos that are covered in real gold or silver. Check for quality guarantees or at least manufacturer’s warranties to ensure you’re getting the most bang for your buck.
- The Shape
The overall shape of your new precious metal dildo will matter quite a bit when it comes time to do more than show it off to your friends. While some are made to be super smooth and exceptionally vanilla, others feature a series of bulbs, nubs and curves to stimulate all body types. Figure out your intentions first – vaginal play, anal games or both? The precious metal dildo you choose will determine how successful your hunt for the perfect orgasm is. If the device is too smooth or too bulbous, it may end up being little more than an expensive piece of art.
- The Features
Not all precious metal dildos are made in the same shape, and most of them don’t have the same exact features either. Did you know that some of the world’s best luxury PMDs have integrated vibrators inside them? So not only are they beautiful examples of sophisticated, skin-safe sex, they’re also a terrific tool for dual stimulation – penetration and vibration, together or used independently. Best of all, the top models are even waterproof despite being made out of precious metals or featuring an internal vibe motor.
- The Manufacturer
Keep in mind that certain manufacturers make luxury precious metal dildos and vibrators that are designed to be compatible with other devices in that brand’s inventory. Furthermore, not all manufacturers offer warranties or quality guarantees with their products. When spending this kind of money on a sex toy, it’s important to vet out the maker with extreme prejudice.
The Three Kings: My Favorite Precious Metal Dildos
It’s not always easy picking out the best luxury dildo, especially when selecting your favorites from among the world’s best precious metal models. The struggle is real, even if you have a clear definition of what you’re looking for and a comprehensive set of guidelines to get you started. Even the pickiest and best prepared perverts find it difficult to make this decision. So since I care (and since I’m a consumer myself), here are what I believe to be the top 3 precious metal dildos on the market today.
BEST OVERALL: The Lelo OLGA G-Spot Vibrating Dildo in 24-Karat Gold
The superior OLGA by the well-known Lelo brand was an instant hit and has been a global best-seller since its introduction to the market just a few years ago. More than just a dildo and made out of 24-karat gold (or medical-grade stainless-steel), this luxury vibrator is a sex toy collector’s dream come true. Its unique composition makes it ideal for a wide variety of sensations, including: temperature play, vaginal and/or anal sex, clitoral stimulation and deep penetration. The beautifully sculpted ends pinpoint your sweet spots while the refined presentation gives this toy the appearance of jewelry. And speaking of jewelry, this sophisticated sex toy even comes with a matching pair of cufflinks in its wooden, velvet-lined storage box.
Pro: It’s made by one of the best-known sex toy manufacturers in the business, meaning it comes with their industry-leading 10-year quality guarantee (and it can be purchased in payments).
Con: The super smooth texture of this device may not be stimulating enough for some users.
BEST FOR BUDGETS: The Farringdon Titanium Dildo
This little number is not only perfect for people on a budget but it’s also ideal for folks who have an allergy to certain types of metal. Made from medical-grade, commercially pure titanium, the finely crafted Farringdon is hypoallergenic, safe for use in all orifices and 100% waterproof to boot. It measures a generous 7.3 inches in total length and is about 1.2 inches across at its widest point. Created specifically for g-spot and p-spot stimulation, this temperature-responsive dildo features a series of body-hugging bulbs and curves for a seriously sensational experience. Plus, it comes in six different colors and includes its own drawstring storage pouch.
Pro: Each piece is made to order by hand, which is rather surprising considering the relatively low price of this thing.
Con: The somewhat squared-off tip of the Farringdon is tapered but not rounded for easy insertion. Use plenty of lube, kids.
BEST FOR COUPLES: The Lelo INEZ Gold
As the world’s most luxurious precious metal dildo, the 24-karat gold Lelo INEZ has been talked about more than the current president. Defined by its blatant decadence and elegance, this handheld hero features eight different pleasure settings inside it’s award-winning design that’s completely body safe and absolutely gorgeous. As the perfect gift or couple’s play accessory, this bad boy is fully rechargeable, user-friendly, travel-worthy and even comes with a satin storage pouch that fits the toy and your favorite packet of lube simultaneously. WARNING: This sumptuous sex toy is not appropriate for cheapskates who don’t value the price of pleasure.
Pro: The INEZ is fun to play with as a couple or during solo missions, plus it includes the brand’s obligatory warranty so there’s no room for give-backs.
Con: This vibrating dildo may be a bit too pricey for some people, although it can be purchased in installments like most other Lelo brand sex toys.
The End Game
Picking out a high-priced precious metal dildo is not for the faint of heart. Be prepared to experience a little sticker shock when you first explore the market, but be prepared in other ways too. The industry is filled with luxurious sex toys, but only precious metal love wands outlast the test of time (and scientific development, might I add). No matter what kind of magic material the world’s best manufacturers create, God’s metal masterpieces will always reign supreme. The only thing that really matters is that you and/or your partner choose a high-end dildo that provides you both with a safe and satisfying sexual experience (hopefully more than once). If that takes a 4-karat gold dildo with a wide range of vibration functions, a rechargeable battery and a swanky storage container, then so be it. You’ve got nothing to prove, other than the fact that you’ve got impeccable taste, of course.
