Pure Intimacy: God's Design for Sex


Will I ever feel beautiful?

from a letter to Boundless

by Candice Z. Watters

DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS

As a 25 year old woman, I've never had anyone ask me out or tell me I'm beautiful (other than my mum and dad!). I have guy friends and think I'm at least average in looks, but sometimes I think I must be abnormal! Is there something wrong with me? What can I do to relieve my worry that I'll never find the one that God has for me?

REPLY

I've been there. Until I met Steve — at age 25 — the only man who told me I looked beautiful was my dad. Even though that was a tremendous gift, by the time I reached marrying age, it felt inadequate. I wanted to hear it from a husband. I thought I must be defective to be single and dateless for so much of my 20s. I also felt bad for feeling bad about it.

Now I know better. For starters, there's nothing wrong or shameful about your desire to be singled out by a man. As women, we long to be the glory of a man; quite literally, his beauty. As you make the most of your features and form, remember your spirit also informs your beauty. Peter wrote that all those externals were secondary to your "inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

This inner beauty comes from resting in God's provision and trusting Him to be your advocate. It's the opposite of striving to control.

Beauty is not just a state of being. It's also doing. God designed you to take delight in being a beauty, and to create beauty for the delight of others around you. Every time you create beauty for others, you send the message that they are valuable, worth the price of your effort. It's this message of value that Mary of Bethany so lavishly sent when she anointed Jesus' feet with the pure nard.

Finally, I asked one of my single, attractive, unattached friends how she thinks about beauty. "'You're beautiful' is something you hear from God," she said. To know that God sees you as beautiful, and worth the costliest gift ever given — His Son — is a powerful antidote to counterfeits. When you draw your self-worth from your Creator, you're better able to recognize and resist men who would flatter for their own ends rather than your good.

Now, for advice on finding the true thing — a man worthy of your beauty — check out "Pray Boldly" and "Finding a Husband." And stay tuned for the upcoming review of the newly released Getting Serious About Getting Married.

Sincerely,
Candice Watters

About the author

Candice Z. Watters founded Boundless in 1998 with her husband, Steve. Not only does she write about getting married and having kids, she lives it. So far, the Watters have four children.